I keep reading on twitter, facebook, and here in the blog world about how everyone is so thankful and how they are so excited for the holidays. . . .
I am trying so hard to be excited and years back I was one of you. I loved the holidays, loved this time of year, and always wanted people to know how thankful I was for my life, my health, and my family. What happened you are prob asking?? DIVORCE happened and ever sense then my family has been separated and my heart broken. In the years sense the divorce I have spent Thanksgiving ever where but with my family, yes I have seen my grandpaw on thanksgiving and even seen my sister but it was just small chit chat. Christmas is the exact same way it is so fast pace having to see my dad and his family then trying to squeeze in time to see my mom and her new family, then also having to see my sister and her family.
I know I am blessed but when the holidays come around I always get sad and depressed sorry I can't lie about it. Like now I see Jeremy's family all getting excited about the holidays and spending it together like they always do and it hurts my heart cause I want the same thing but sometimes scared I will never have it. Jeremy's family is extremely close very much unlike mine and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with the closeness cause my family has never been close.
A few months back I started getting close with his family and we all kinda had a set back and now I honestly feel like they hate me and I am scared to even try. Which is really making this holiday season so hard. I feel like I got my family who doesnt know how to be close and faithful family then now Jeremy's family who doesnt understand where I am coming from and just tolerates me. I have talked to Jeremy and he says his family loves me but they are all so close and I want that closeness. Maybe it all just takes time.
I hate that I am being a debbie downer but this is what I have been feeling the last few days. I get all emotional and jealous hearing about how excited everybody is for the upcoming holidays. I am able to ignore my family situation until the holidays. Then all the memories and the pain of the divorce comes back to haunt me. Does any of you have situaitions like this??
I am trying so hard to be excited and years back I was one of you. I loved the holidays, loved this time of year, and always wanted people to know how thankful I was for my life, my health, and my family. What happened you are prob asking?? DIVORCE happened and ever sense then my family has been separated and my heart broken. In the years sense the divorce I have spent Thanksgiving ever where but with my family, yes I have seen my grandpaw on thanksgiving and even seen my sister but it was just small chit chat. Christmas is the exact same way it is so fast pace having to see my dad and his family then trying to squeeze in time to see my mom and her new family, then also having to see my sister and her family.
I know I am blessed but when the holidays come around I always get sad and depressed sorry I can't lie about it. Like now I see Jeremy's family all getting excited about the holidays and spending it together like they always do and it hurts my heart cause I want the same thing but sometimes scared I will never have it. Jeremy's family is extremely close very much unlike mine and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with the closeness cause my family has never been close.
A few months back I started getting close with his family and we all kinda had a set back and now I honestly feel like they hate me and I am scared to even try. Which is really making this holiday season so hard. I feel like I got my family who doesnt know how to be close and faithful family then now Jeremy's family who doesnt understand where I am coming from and just tolerates me. I have talked to Jeremy and he says his family loves me but they are all so close and I want that closeness. Maybe it all just takes time.
I hate that I am being a debbie downer but this is what I have been feeling the last few days. I get all emotional and jealous hearing about how excited everybody is for the upcoming holidays. I am able to ignore my family situation until the holidays. Then all the memories and the pain of the divorce comes back to haunt me. Does any of you have situaitions like this??
1 comment:
I'm with ya my dear...my parents divorced before I was born and every single year I dread Christmas. I never spent Christmas morning at home, in my bed, by my tree, opening gifts. I was always in the car, traveling to the next spot whether it be my mom's or my dad's. Or possibly celebrating Christmas at a hotel at the "half way" mark between my mom and dad's house. I never had a place to call "home" and I still struggle with the holidays to this day because I feel like I have to please and see everyone. I'm always rushing from place to place and never really get to absorb all the goodness the holidays bring. Throw a fiance in the mix who wants to see his family as well and you get one big cluster f*ck.
I can't wait for the day when I have a child of my own. Things will change then, if they want to see me they can come to my house for Christmas because my child WILL spend every Christmas morning at home :)
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