Life is a word to me that has so many different meanings. I know the dictionary only has one but my meaning of life is not the same as what you think life means. Each one of us start at a young age planning out our futures we want to be doctors, actors, lawyers, or astronauts. We also dream about the day our prince charming comes along sweeps us up and throw us on the back of his white horse and we ride off into the sunset. ( I like Disney movies can you tell) We dream about having the big house with the wrap around porch and green shutters with kids and babies and animals and ok Ill shut up now cause you get the picture RIGHT?!?!
Life never works out the way we want it to or as we dream it will be. As we grow up our maturity level changes and we decide we dont want to be a lawyer or a doctor but instead we want to be a teacher or a singer. We wind up getting our heart broke a bazillion times and our fairytale slowly starts fading. Our painting we drew in our mind on life is a big wreck and nothing seems clear to us. Peer pressure starts attacking us and we know we dont need to do this or this but we do it anyway. We wake up the next morning and blame everybody including the family dog but never own up to that is was your fault.
Life is what you make it. It isnt going to be perfect and no we will never have it right but thats what is so beautiful about life. I was sitting in my floor last night packing my things into boxes and I busted into tears. Ok when I say tears I mean like dramatic should def win an oscar tears. I wish I could say that all of the tears were from a happy place but not all of them were. I was just overwhelmed with emotions I was happy for what I had overcome but also I started thinking about where I had come from.
Back about 3 years ok I lived in a nice home was driving a brand new sports car and a big diamond on my left hand. I was fairytale living it sounds like but I was miserable. Long story short I got a divorce packed my clothes and hit the road. I got 1000 out of the divorce and bought me a grand pri 1999 model car. Big change from the sports car for sure. I got a rent house and I started trying to rebuild my life. During this time I went down a dark dark road. I started smoking cigarettes like a pack a day, drinking every night, and dating any loser that would give me attention. I was a train wreck. I had no lifestyle what so ever it is embarrassing to think about. I have tears streaming down my face while typing. I had tons of friends during this time though everyone was always calling me saying come on Nicole lets go shopping or lets go do this.
My life changed again on June 14, 2010. God sent me my angel to save me from the road I was on. This angel is Jeremy who I also get to call my boyfriend. He found my picture on myspace. He says something about my face made him want to know me. I accepted his freind request and we started messaging each other back and forth and then we went on a date and well you know. I havent been in a bar since June 12,2010. I have quit smoking and I hardly never drink. Did Jeremy make me change?? No but he made me want to. Before June 14,2010 I can not tell you the last time I prayed to God. Now I pray to him every night before I close my eyes even if its just to tell God thank you. I dont have all my friends I did before but I got all I need now I have my real friends who when I need them they come running, when I need to cry they cry with me, when I need to laugh they do something totally retarded, and when I need to scream they plug their ears.
My life has been a rollercoaster and why God loves me so much literally takes my breath away cause wow I have been a tough one to handle and I def know I try his patience. I dont know why God sent Jeremy to me but I am so glad he did. My painting on life is starting to become clear again and it sure is beautiful. I have so much to be thankful for and I so often take it for granted. Jeremy has helped me grow into this amazing person. I have learned so much and I have tried so many new things. Im finally saying goodbye to my past and saying hello to my future and yes alot of tears are being shed. Do not go to the dollar general here needing Kleenex cause this girl bought them out.
Just remember life to you might me hard, life to you might be great, but in reality life is what you want it to be :)
Life never works out the way we want it to or as we dream it will be. As we grow up our maturity level changes and we decide we dont want to be a lawyer or a doctor but instead we want to be a teacher or a singer. We wind up getting our heart broke a bazillion times and our fairytale slowly starts fading. Our painting we drew in our mind on life is a big wreck and nothing seems clear to us. Peer pressure starts attacking us and we know we dont need to do this or this but we do it anyway. We wake up the next morning and blame everybody including the family dog but never own up to that is was your fault.
Life is what you make it. It isnt going to be perfect and no we will never have it right but thats what is so beautiful about life. I was sitting in my floor last night packing my things into boxes and I busted into tears. Ok when I say tears I mean like dramatic should def win an oscar tears. I wish I could say that all of the tears were from a happy place but not all of them were. I was just overwhelmed with emotions I was happy for what I had overcome but also I started thinking about where I had come from.
Back about 3 years ok I lived in a nice home was driving a brand new sports car and a big diamond on my left hand. I was fairytale living it sounds like but I was miserable. Long story short I got a divorce packed my clothes and hit the road. I got 1000 out of the divorce and bought me a grand pri 1999 model car. Big change from the sports car for sure. I got a rent house and I started trying to rebuild my life. During this time I went down a dark dark road. I started smoking cigarettes like a pack a day, drinking every night, and dating any loser that would give me attention. I was a train wreck. I had no lifestyle what so ever it is embarrassing to think about. I have tears streaming down my face while typing. I had tons of friends during this time though everyone was always calling me saying come on Nicole lets go shopping or lets go do this.
My life changed again on June 14, 2010. God sent me my angel to save me from the road I was on. This angel is Jeremy who I also get to call my boyfriend. He found my picture on myspace. He says something about my face made him want to know me. I accepted his freind request and we started messaging each other back and forth and then we went on a date and well you know. I havent been in a bar since June 12,2010. I have quit smoking and I hardly never drink. Did Jeremy make me change?? No but he made me want to. Before June 14,2010 I can not tell you the last time I prayed to God. Now I pray to him every night before I close my eyes even if its just to tell God thank you. I dont have all my friends I did before but I got all I need now I have my real friends who when I need them they come running, when I need to cry they cry with me, when I need to laugh they do something totally retarded, and when I need to scream they plug their ears.
My life has been a rollercoaster and why God loves me so much literally takes my breath away cause wow I have been a tough one to handle and I def know I try his patience. I dont know why God sent Jeremy to me but I am so glad he did. My painting on life is starting to become clear again and it sure is beautiful. I have so much to be thankful for and I so often take it for granted. Jeremy has helped me grow into this amazing person. I have learned so much and I have tried so many new things. Im finally saying goodbye to my past and saying hello to my future and yes alot of tears are being shed. Do not go to the dollar general here needing Kleenex cause this girl bought them out.
Just remember life to you might me hard, life to you might be great, but in reality life is what you want it to be :)
1 comment:
Wow, I love you for being so honest with your heart! I'm so glad that you are in a better place and working on your relationship with God!! That's what matters!!
Post a Comment