Healthy is a Lifestyle!!!

I have never been one to struggle with my weight, BUT

I am one that looks in the mirror and I am

NEVER SATISFIED!!!!

With that said I also want to say I do not think I am a big girl

I wear size 6 jeans and medium tops and I can squeeze into size 4

jeans BUT like I said I am not satisfied.

I know you are saying why?!?!? I would kill to get into size 6 jeans

Well my body type is very small except right in the stomach area.

I gain weight right in my stomach and buttox region. Oh and I have

what I like to call thunder thighs. If you jiggle one of them you best watch out

is all I am saying.

Ok Anyway!!! I have been trying the last few months to lose weight.

I want to get back into a size 4 and I want to look good in a bathing suit.

Well everytime I started my "diet" guess what I FAILED!!!!

I couldnt last a week on a diet. I would get frustrated and stomp around and pout and cry.

Ok I am lieing I didnt stomp around but I did cry. I hate failing in something!!! I felt

like a big lazy head. I came home every day with the motivation to work out. I

would even get my work out clothes on and then guess what I would sit down in the chair

just to rest for a minute and well guess what

I NEVER  GOT UP!!!

I kept getting on facebook and blogger and seeing all these people talking

about workouts, the gym, the scale, and running.

I was so mad and I would start stuffin my face as fast as I could

put food in my mouth. Well I am proud to say it really looks like

all of this as changed.

I am sure you are asking how and why and when and where??

Ok maybe not all of those questions but cause I woke up one day

and said you know what I spend more time hatint my body then

doing something about it. I spend more time making up excuses than just

working out. I spend more time looking at others and being jealous of

them than being like them.

I know look at it as a lifestyle change instead of a diet.

I have been counting calories and also going ro the park and

have started running everyday. So for the last week I have cleaned out

the pantry and restocked it and now that I am looking at it differntly it doesnt

seem so hard. Before it was about losing weight now I look at it as I dont want to lose

my life at a young age. Now my no means can I say I have it all figured out nor am I trying

to brag about it but I am very proud of myslef because before I barely latest two days and now I am going on a

week!!!!

I got on pinterest this morning and needed some motivation adn some drive to keep it up. And boy pinterest

was def the place to go cause I am ready to get to the park now. I am not a runner nor have I ever been a runner.  But I want to be one bad cause my boyfriend is a runner. Lets just say I SUCK at it

I can barely run a half a mile. Yes you can laugh at me. But after being on pinterest this morning

I am super pumped to run my half a mile when I get home.

So if any of my followers have any advice or tips please leave me a comment or

email me!!!! Any advice will be greatly appreciated. 

What is really going on?!?, Book Review, & Girl talk

I can not believe that it is already Thursday!!

Really now where has this week gone.

I have been super busy but thankfully

I have not been stressed out.

This brings me to the question

WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON?!?!?

(quit looking at the computer screen funny I am fixing to explain)

I am NOT a morning person. I am one of those people who has to set my clock

twenty minutes before I absolutely have to get up yes which means I

have to hit the snooze 20 minutes. Why?!? Because I feel like

I am going to die if I dont do it, hahaha I actually

have no clue why I feel the need to do this but I have already told yall I

AM A WEIRDO!!!!!

Also, I am one of those who is running out the door to work still not ready for work.

I get to work right at 8 well ok I am lieing 8:02. I dont want to talk to my boss cause

I am still not awake and Im frankly pissed off that he is so happy.

AFter a cup of coffee ( Callie, Are we still friends??) and a can of Mt Dew I finally have

a smile on my face and ready to conquer the world. I guess I should mention that this

is usually around 10 in the morning before this happens. Now listen I am not

somebody who goes to bed at midnight. I dont have the nickname G'Maw for

no reason. My bedtime is 9 everynight.

Well this week I am COMPLETELY opposite. Like people either I am sick and need a shot OR

even worse I am scared aliens have abducted my body hahahahaha!!!!

Now to some this might scare them but the aliens can stay cause I am liking the me this week!!!

I have to be out of the bed by 6:30 every morning so my alarm is set for 6:10 well guess what time

I have been getting out of the bed?!?!?!

5:50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This means something big in my house like I dont feel rushed in the mornings.

I get to work not only on time but I also get to work early.

I even have time to sit in my chair and drink a cup of coffee and check the weather.

Also last night I went to the park and ran a half a mile and walked a mile.

Ok I know running a half a mile isnt alot but people

I DO NOT RUN!!!!

So me doing that was like a big celebration in

my house hold. Like yes I had a

glass of wine. Thats normal right??

Also this morning I got up at 5:45 and did jumping jacks. And I did 50 of them

I feel like a totally differeny person and like really enegized!!!

So I saw this saying on Pinterest and I wrote it on a sticky and put it in my car and on

my desk at work so maybe I will keep this up.

I also wanted to give a book review. WHAT?!?

Im telling you I dont know whats going on.

Anyway I recently read the biography

about Kris Jenner.

Now I am one of those who never misses an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians,

Kourtney & Khloe take Miami, Khloe & Lamar, and Kim & Kourtney take New york!!!

Yeah as you can see I have been slightly obsessed with them. I did however think that

they were all spoiled rich kids who needed to be knocked down a few notches. I

especially thought this in recent month when all this with Kim K's divorce and well

surely you know what I am talking about. I almost didnt want to read Kris Jenners book

BUT like my last post I truely try not to judge people.

WOW!!! is all I can say about the book cause it was amazing I finished it in like 3 days.

She talks about her entire life in this book from childhood til now. She talks about her marriage to

Robert Kardashian and how she cheated on him. She talked about her divorce and acourse it was

something that in a way I could relate to. She also talks about OJ Simpson and Nicole Brown.

It is a good book and it kept me wanted to read more. I was actually sad when I turned the last page.

It def made me think differently of her cause she has worked hard to get to where she is at.

I do still think her kids are spoiled but it def made me think wow this woman has went through alot.

Also on top of reading books I love music. I might be very late to this ball game but have yall ever heard

of Girltalk??? Well if so why in the heck didnt yall tell me about them?? I have been listening to them all

week long and put their songs on my ipod and well I think this is why I ran so good yesterday. This is my fav song so take a listen. Doesnt is just make you want to get up and dance and/or workout. I think it is great workout music.



Judging People

 Do you ever go to the grocery story and judge

 people by what they wear?? Go ahead and admit it

we all have and I will admit I am bad about doing.

There is this man who comes in my office almost every day that I do this to.

He weighs about 300 if not more and he has this order that just makes me

gag everytime he comes in. Its like a musty smell.

Everytime he leaves I start talking so bad about him.

How he dresses, how he walks, how he talks, and whew how

bad the man smells.

Every sense I did the post about my past I have been doing alot of

thinking. I hate how when I go into walmart or anywhere I know what people are

saying about me. She is the girl whose mother did this or she is the girl whose father

did this OR she is the girl who has already gotten a divorce and blah blah

BLAH!!!!!

Is this right for people to judge me?? No pick up your bible and it says you shouldnt judge

Gosh I remember hearing people say why dont you clean your house before

trying to clean others. I guess growing up I thought they were really talking

about cleaning house but WRONG.

Anyway that poor man comes in everyday and I judge him and I dont even know

him. I am doing to him the way I hate being done. Why is our world so full is judgement??

Well the world cant be perfect cause then how would we ever learn.

I know you are thinking what is the girl doing?? She has really lost her mind.

Well I have prob lost my mind but that is a whole nothing post.

I came into the blog world to tell my story to keep a journal of my life

and yes I was hoping to meet new friends.

BUT!!!!! it is so sad how bad people judge each other in the blog world.

I have read blogs where people have said I dont read blogs with no pictures??

Really so you are basically saying you dont like me because my blog isnt full of pictures.

I understand that most popular blogs are popular because of their fun pictures and colors.

Trust me that draws my attention to the blog as well BUT I dont judge somebodys blog by what

color it is, how many pictures they have in a post, and I dont judge their thoughts by what they say.

I have only 21 followers (hello new friends) but at least the 21 people I do have

like me for me.

I didnt come into the blog world to be fake I came to have a place to type my thoughts when

I have them. I dont plan my post days in advance, my blog layout is nothing special, I am no

WRITER by any means nor do I want to be. BUT this blog is real these is my story.

I know its not excited I dont go to clubs on weekends cause I have been there done that.

I work and go home and spend time with my lil family.

Anyway I will get off the soap box now.

Hope everyone had a blessed fun weekend!!!

I will get pics of the news blinds and new microwave up tomorrow:)

I am really getting into the house decorating.

Which is somthing I thought I would stink at but SHOCKER!!

I am really good at it!!



25 Random Facts about ME!!!

I have noticed alot here lately where alot of the blogs I read have

been talking about random facts about themself.

So I have decided to do it myself.

As you have read I am going to list 25 facts!!

Why 25 cause well that is my age but I must admit I am terrified that

I want be able to come up with that many cause I am pretty lamo.

So let the list begin. . . .

1. I have never been on an airplane before cause Im am terrified
2. As I said in my last post I do like chocolate cause its black and gooey and well I just dont like it.
3. I hate sweet tea (well any kind of tea).
4. My biggest fear in life is bad weather. Thunder, lightning,wind, hail omg I am having an anxiety attack just thinking about it.
5. I have never had a pedicure before nor will I ever. Why?!? I hate feet. I hate feet touching me, I hate people looking at my feet, and the thought of people touching my feet grosses me out.
6. I had braces on my teeth for 6 LONG years. I got them right before my 4th grade and got them off my 10 grade year.
7. I love music. Like its my addiction, my hobby, my life. Music is my escape. When my parents were always fighting I would turn the radio or my fav cd wide open and just sing and sing and forget about life. Still til today when life gets stressful I get in my car  crank my music up and just drift away.
8. I love making people feel special. I dont care how you treat me all I want is to make people smile and laugh.
9. Im OCD when it comes to being clean. Everything has its place and thats where it needs to be. I cant not sleep at night till everything is put away and up. I can not leave the house til the bed is made. ( which I didnt make it this morning but the covers are turned back.
10. I have a bunch of nicknames. My family calls me Cole, my friend lindsey calls me number monkey (cause I work with numbers all day long and I like to have fun like a monkey), Jeremys family call me Nickel G.
11. My favorite moment of the day is when I am in the shower. Crazy right? I feel like when I am in the shower is when I do my best thinking about what I want to do that day and its like I feel so slow when I get in the shower but when I get out I feel alive and ready to go.
12. My favorite candy ever is gummy bears and twizzlers. I am addicted and get ill when I run out.
13. I enjoy reading.Rather its a book, a magazine, or somebodys blog.
14. I say Im sorry for everything. Worst habit ever I know and it gets on my boyfriends nerves. For example he can say I didnt eat lunch today cause the microwave doesnt work. My reply is Oh no Im sorry its my fault. I say Im sorry for everything.
15. I do not drink whiskey. Why?!? It makes me very emotional. One time I went out with a girlfriend walked to the car to talk on the phone got scared that cops were going to find me so I locked myself in the trunk. I sat in their crying the entire time. Yeah I am know a wine and beer girl only and leave the whiskey to Jeremy.
16. I am not athletic at all. So wish I was though but no I stink at playing any sport. I love love to watch sports just dont hand me a ball of any kind.
17. Laughter makes me happy. I guess cause I didnt hear it alot growing up. I will do whatever or say whatever just to make you laugh.
18. Blog world scares me. I enjoy my blog and want to meet new people but sometimes get scared that people will find me creepy or weird and not like me.
19. Love animals. I am that creepy animal person. My dog is not just a dog to me she is my heart she is my daughter. I am the person who crys everytime I see a dog ran over.
20. I cry alot. I am one of those people that will shed a tear in almost every money. Weirdo right here.
21. Really enjoy cooking and planning get togethers.
22. When I was growing up, I always wanted to be a singer. My parents told me I was crazy so I never persued it. I still love singing we have a karookee machine.
23. I made a cd once. Nothing fancy at all just recorded a few Carrie Underwood songs for my dads bday.
24. My underarms sweat all the time. It can be 20 degrees outside and well yep I will have a wet spot on my shirt from my underarms sweating.
25. So because of this I wera dark colors alot. Some people prob think I am gothic.

Well there you have it. Hopefully I want lose any followers from

this but just thought is would be fun to share

with yall a lil more about me and what I love hate and

well yeah you get the idea.

Hope my followers have a great weekend!!!

What you want to know what I will be

doing??

Well me and Jeremy both are going to work Saturday to dinner.YIPEE!!! Then we are going to Lowe's to get a new microwave (ours quit Monday night) and new blinds for the living room. Oh and Jeremy says he must buy a PS3. We have a Wii already but he says the PS3 is better?!? We will also prob drank and play cards or some kind of game Saturday night cause we are cool like that. Sunday will be a lazy movie day.

Hope Yall have a good weekend!!!

Nicole



My Valentines Day!!!

Hello loveies!!!! I am sorry I didnt get to tell everyone happy Valentines yesterday. Work is insane and I think I am going insane to. I miss having the weekends off so bad. I can not wait til April gets here so I can have Saturdays away from the office again.

Anyway so sorry this isnt going to be a post about me vented about how I hate work right now. I first wanted to pat myself on the back I have been eating very healthy right now and staying just under my calorie intake for the day. BUT I still havent had time to exercise!!! I am not going to beat myself up though cause at least I am back on track on eating healthy.

So I was going to share with yall how my Valentines went. It was great!!! My mom suprised me with two bags from Hobby Lobby!!! I had talked to her over the weekend about my ideas about the house decorating and she thought it was so me. I dont have pictures of everything she got me but I promise I will work on that but I took a picture of the cross she got me that I am in love with. I put it on the side table by my red chair in the living room. This cross means I am finally finished with the living room so here is some pictures.

This is our fireplace and mantle!!!

My red cross!!!



This is my red chair!! And yes that is Lizzie's but sorry

Sorry that two of the pictures are sideways I edited them and saved them turned the right way but when I uploaded them I dont know what happened. I guess I am having a stupid moment. Anyway I know the living room is nothing fancy but it is home and welcoming to us. Acourse we have two couches that I didnt take pictures. Dont want yall to think we just have my chair. Most everything in our house is hand me downs but yeah it is about money to us at all its about making the best of what you have. I am planning on getting the big blinds but on the windows cause I dont like them shades very much and I dont think I am going to do curtains at all but who knows I change my mind alot.

So Valentines Day to alot of people is about getting flowers and candy. If yall havent realized by now I am not normal. I am not saying I dislike flowers but I do hate chocolate. So I am prob one of the few girls who didnt get roses yesterday. I so dont want to offend anybody when I say this cause this is just me but I dont want Jeremy spending money on flowers that or going to die in two or three days and then I have nothing but dead flowers to show from our special day. I tell him every year I dont want flowers please be different. I guess maybe that makes me selfish but Jeremy seems perfectly fine with not sending me flowers.

Anyway sorry to keep rambling just dont want to get any hate mail. Anyway lol I got home and Jeremy and Lizzie met me at the door to give me kisses and hugs. When I walk in I see my Valnetines present!! My Lizzie Mae got me Breaking Dawn Dvd. She was so excited about giving it to me. Jeremy gave me: a bear (to go with the bear I got last year), the Vow book, Facing the Giants DVD, 2 beautiful picture frames (for Lizzies photoshoot), a clothes basket for my bathroom (I been wanting one bad), gummy bears, twizzlers, and butterfingers(the only candy bar I will eat). I also got a card from Jeremy where he wrote in it the sweetest letter ever.

For Jeremy Valentines he got the following: Lizzie got him Family game night DVD, and I made him a lil gift basket(which I took a picture)

It includes 2 cards one from Lizzie and one from me, the Fighter DVD,
Madden 11 Wii game, a typed letter from me, and his fav candy.

Lizzie Mae also got some Valentine love. We got her two new toys, a leather jacket, and a new bed for her pen. She was so excited she was running around like she was on crack or something. Here is a picture of her reaaction when Jeremy brought her Valentine present in and then I took a picture of her in her new jacket. She got mad when I made her take it off. I think she wanted to sleep in it.

She was jumping and a barking. Sorry I realized this isnt the best reaction picture.
Oh well I should get an E for effort RIGHT?!





Yes this is taking in the bathroom. Jeremy was in the shower
and she ran in there and started barking
it was like she was saying hey daddy look at me I am pretty!!

Again sorry I edited the pictures and saved them turned the right way but who knows what happened. I am sure it is the person who is operating this computer and not the computer.

Also with all this house talk I thought I would leave yall with a picture of what our house looks like. Nothing fancy again but I really love it cause it is my home and well its where me and Jeremy are starting our life together. So to me it is a mansion. For yall wondering it is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house!!

I know I cut some off but yeah you get the idea.
Oh and the house isnt yellow it is tan with black shutters not
sure why it looks yellow.
Oh and that tree in the front has been trimmed:)



What did yall do for Valentines Day?!? Again hope I didnt offend anybody with my no flowers for me comment.

Be blessed~

     Nicole

The week or weeks that I fell off the wagon, Home Decorating

No people I didnt literally fall off the wagon but I havent been doing so good with my healthy lifestyle. If yall remember at the first of the year I was going to start being healthier and exercise more. This wasnt about getting skinny it was just about being healhty. Well I missed one day and then one day turned into 2 weeks. EPIC Fail. I havent been doing good at all but I woke up this morning and I am started back today and just forgetting about the past 2 weeks.

So I am asking that I please help me stay on the health wagon this time and not fall off!!!!!

Well unfortunatly its Monday again. I am getting use to working 6 days a week though so I am not so slow moving!!! I got a bunch done this weekend. So let me recap it for you!!

Saturday I worked from 8-12 then I headed to Philadelphia to meet my sweet friend Michael. We ate Mexican which I know wasnt healthy but oh how I love mexican cheese dip. We then headed to the movie theater and saw the Vow. All I can say is wow it really was a wonderful movie. I cried alot but the tears were so worth it. I def want to read the book soon.

After the movie, I went to Walmart and got some decorating supplies!! Jeremy and I got a house together back in October and I moved in December. I havent done much decorating cause I didnt know what I really wanted to do so been doing it room by room. I also wanted to get settled in a routine and get use to living with Jeremy before I started decorating. Well know I am in full decorating mode.

The kitchen is painted orange with all black appliances. Its also in the center of the house so it doesnt have alot of light but it is my favorite place cause it is where me and Jeremy gather after work and do alot of our talking. Well I have decided to incorporate the color yellow in this room. So I am painting some wine bottles yellow and I had a sun plate that was orange that I am painting yellow. I am excited about this and hope the yellow brightens up the room and makes it welcoming. I will post pictures when I am finished.

The living room I am doing in red and black. Our living room has all windows across the back wall which I love it looks out into the backyard and out onto the back porch. So thats why I wanted more dark warm colors cause this is already the brightest room in the house due to all the windows. It also wasnt hard to go with red cause Jeremys parents gave us there old furniture which was a red couch and a red chair.

In my bathroom I am going with calm colors. I have decided to use green (like grass green) white and brown. I also think I might throw some orange and yellow in there to since my bathroom isnt far from the kitchen. The people who owned the house before us left the shower curtain in there. It is brown with swirls of green and tan color. I really loved the shower curtain but didnt know if I wanted to keep it. Well after timeI have decided why go spend more money right now when I can just use what i have.

My dining room is my favorite I think. It is done in brown and baby blue. I dont know why but I love these two colors together. When we moved in the walls were already baby blue so I knew it was meant for me to have my dinding room brown and blue. This room was the first one I finished. My dining room table is my great grandmothers that Jeremys mom refinished for me. and the buffet table is my step dads that he gave me. I love this room!!! I just never hardly go in there.

Our bedroom is dont in more calming dark tone. Our furniture is dark wood with black marble top. This was our first purchase together so it means alot. Our walls are grey and our comforter is a baby blue down comforter. I have alot of safari items in there to bring it all together. The only think I need is curtains. This sounds so redneck but I have blankets nailed to the windows to keep the sun out. I cant decide what color curtains I want yet. Ideas anyone???

I am not very artistic but I am loving the ideas I have and excited about finishing all of them. I want a home that friends feel comfortable. I dont want one where people are scared of breaking something. I also dont want to spend tons of money. I mean I dont want to spend bunches cause in a few years I might want to change up and redecorate.

Ok so I need to know something and I need somebodies help!!! How do I upload pictures from my phone to my blog post??? I feel like this shouldnt be so hard but evidently I am dumb cause I cant figure it out. So if someone could comment and explain how or email me explaining how. I am also so excited cause Jeremy is calling today so we can set up an appointment to get the interent at our house. Do you hear the angels singing?? I do.

Friday Funk!!

Hey ladies sorry Iwasnt able to blog yesterday! I had to actually work instead of play. Also thank you to the girls that left me sweet message about my family story. It means alot to have people that dont really know you lift you up with such sweet words.

Ok so this weekend I was so sad cause I didnt have anybody to go to the movies with me:( All my peeps were busy with other plans and the boytoy is hanging out with one of his buddies. Well last night I got a text from my friend saying he was available Saturday to hang out. WHOOP WHOOP!! Im not a loser afterall now casue tomoorow after I get off of work me and my friend Michael will be at the theaters watching this movie.

I know a bunch of yall have already said it so dI am going to sound like a broken record but ummm I so wouldnt question being married to this guy. I am so excited to finally go see and I get to see one of my best guy friends to.

Also I want to discuss something that reallys bothers me and has a special place in my heart. First off I am a Christian and I am aware of what the Bible says as well as I know what I believe in. Anyway my friend that I am going to the movies with tomorrow is gay. Yes he has a boyfriend. I do not believe in someone being gay and my friend knows this and respects my opinion. I was friends with Michael before he came out and told me he was gay. It didnt change anything about who Michael is as a person. It hurts me that there is people who call themselfs Christians who look down on people for being gay. I am a Christian and I sin everyday I do things that the bible says not to do. So how can I look down on somebody being gay. In the bible it says not to be gay but in the bible it also says not to use vulgar language. People I say shit when my alarm goes off!!! It says in the bible to not judge people. I cant tell you how many times I turn my nose up at people cause I have judged them.

Anyway you get my point I think. I am not gay but I am just as much a sinner as a gay person is. It just kills me how I know my friend has had to go through alot. I think we as christains shouldnt judge someone for the way they are. I am totally against being a bully!! If you down people for being gay, being fat, being a different color, or for having a bazillion piercings than you are judging and being a BULLY!!!!

It just bothers me how mean people can be but then call themself Christians. I do not believe in being gay I do not believe in piercing your body in a bazillion places but I do not belittle the people who do these things. The way I look at it God loves every person and every creature. It says in the bible he evens pays attention to the wild flowers most of which are never seen.

Ok I will stop now!! Sorry if I have offended anyone but it hurts me how mean and cruel people are. Just because you dont agree in someones beliefs doesnt give you the right to be so mean. This is the video that brough this little rant on.

What is everyone else doing this weekend?? Is anyone else going to see the Vow?? 

Is anyone else on Instagram?? I just downloaded it this week and I think I am going to like it. Follow me at NiCkElG37 if you are on there

My Family Story Part 2!!!!

I wish yall knew how much yesterday's post helped me feel like just by taking the time to right down all of that and for me to be able to reflect about how much I have overcome made me feel alive so thanks for being patient.

So I left off yesterday where I had to move in with some friends. It was hard for me cause I felt lost in a way. Not that I wasnt thankful for the people I lived with they helped me feel part of a family again which I havent felt like that in years. About 2 months after my mom tried committing suicide, I deccided to do my high schools beauty and beau for the first time. I had never really been one to dress nice and to wear makeup. I was the tomboy in my grade which meant I was the jean, tshirt, nike wearing, and pony tail type girl. I didnt care what I looked like so yeah I was prob the girl that you would have laughed at. I didnt have any girls friends cause I had lost my only girl friend. Anyway I am getting off track, I got the perfect dress and had my hair fixed and makeup done. I was so proud of my look and well guess what I won!! Yes I was named Most Beautiful of my school. The feeling was awesome I felt important and I felt proud of myself. In all reality though I knew that feeling wouldnt last long. My parents were there and well they had court the next day over the latest item that they were fighting over. When it came time for pictures my parents both came in the room to congratulate me I assume but they spoted each other first and well I thought to myself lets get ready to rumble. The fight was on!! Finally a dad told them to stop cause he looked at me and I had mascare running down my face. I was so embarrassed they couldnt let me have one happy moment without ruining it. This wouldnt be the last fight either!!

The first of December about 4 months of moving I finally moved back home to my moms. She acted like my old mom the loving caring mom. We talked together, cooked together, and watched tv together. It didnt last long though cause my dad got behind on his child support so once her money wasnt coming in she took it out on me. By graduaiton I was so ready to get away from my parents. I had to go to my grandparents and borrow money from them just so I could graduate cause my parents wouldnt pay my tuition. Once I moved to college I thought it would be all good but it wasnt the fighting continued and me being in the middle continued. My mom threatened to kill my dad a bunch. I got to where I drank every night and smoked alot to. The drinking helped the pain but didnt help me in my education. I partied every night and just didnt care about life. I even went to jail one night for under age drinking. I wasnt even ashamed of it at the time cause I knew I was disappointed my parents and I wanted them to hurt just the way they hurt me. I went and got my belly button pierced which infuriated my parents.

I came home for Christmas. I wasnt excited about it at all cause Christmas wasnt the same anymore and new mom was struggling with money and so was dad. I dont remember exactly what my dad gave me that year but I do remember my mom gave me a bunch of clothes and a new tv. I thought wow this is great!!! I loved all my stuff and thought things were looking up for my family!!!

The first year of college was a blur though cause I stayed drunk more than I did sober. I gained the freshman 15 to. Right when I was going to be moving home for the summer my sister calls to inform me that my mom had been arrested. I was like WHAT?!? here we go again. She had stole checks from her best friend and forged there name and cashed the checks. My moms best friend had been in my life since I was born I mean this was my family. Well needless to say just like that my parents took somebody else out of my life and I had no control over it. I got so mad at my mom why?? So I moved in with some friends and started keeping there kids, cleaning house, and anything they needed to make money. My mom couldnt give me money cause she was either in court with my dad or now with her best friend. So I was 19 and had no money!! All I new was I had to make a living for myself. I had to do something it was very obvious that my family wasnt going to take care of me. So I dropped out of college and started doing whatever I could.

Rumors in a small town spread fast as many of you prob already know. My parents had been the topic of the town for a couple of years now and this latest stunt with my mom was the headlines of the weekly paper. It was brought to my attention that all the clothes my mom had gotten me for Christmas was stolen and so was the tv. Stolen?!? What was going on in my life I was trying to better myself and my parents were making it hard. I packed up the clothes and the tv I had gotten and knew I had to make things right. I couldnt keep something that wasnt mine. I found out who the clothes to belong to. I took them back to the owner telling her I was so sorry that I had worn them not knowing but that I didnt have the money to pay her back. Thankfully the owner was just impressed with my trying to make things right that she just excepted the clothes. Next I went to the business wehre the tv came from. Apparently some nice citizen had heard of my mom and the stolen tvs and paid for them so I was able to keep my new tv. I wish I knew who did that but it remains a mystery.

I finally found a job at the local daycare and I loved it. I felt in control for the first time. I was taking care of me and paying my bills but I still felt so lonely. I wasnt talking to my parents and had even gotten my number change so they couldnt call me. I thought I was headed in the right path but all the while I was still drinking at nihgt to help me rest. During this time I wouldnt say I was an alcoholic but I def wasnt treating my body right. I thought I was so mature for my age and so in control of my NOPE!!! I met a guy in October of 2005 and fell inlove or so I thought. By Febuary 2006 I was engaged and well June we were married. My parents disagreed told me I needed to take my time I was only 20 but I didnt listen to them. I felt like who are they to give me advice on love. Marriage wasnt fun to me by August we were fighting non stop. I cant say and never will say it was all him cause I was just as bad as him.

During my marriage, my parents were in and out of my life. By Feburary 2008 I was separated and didnt know what I was going to do but a month later I went back to him. Then May 2009 I was done it was obvious that we werent in love and it was obvious I had alot of growing up to do. I moved into a house by myself and went crazy. I was staying out late all the time and drinking and smoking. I was thinking Im free and Im going to do whatever I want. I dated a few different guys that were losers. But you know what I was the loser to. I was settling for any guy that paid me attention. Then finally I let God in.

I was tired of my behavior and wanted to be different than my parents I wanted my prince. Well Yall know what happends next. . . . Jeremy came into my life.

I look back on my life and Im like WOW!!! I am so much better now and Im glad I have went through all of this. I am not perfect and my life hasnt been a fairytale but its the life and the journey that God gave me.I am so proud of the woman I am today and its becuase this past year and a half I have had a guy in my life that has helped mold me and who believed in me.

So Yall prob want to know what about my parents??

My dad has been dating a girl for the past 6 years. I guess she is ok he doesnt include me in his dating life. Our relationship is ok I guess we talk on the phone but dont really see each other very often. I still hold alot of grudge against him but I am still workin gon it

My mom and me well today we are good. She is in and out of my life alot. She has remarried and I like my stepdad. He makes my mom happy. I try really hard with my mom and I talk to her but I still dont trust her and am cautious with her cause I dont want to get my hopes up with her.

Overall though, I respect my parents cause that is what the Bible says to do. No matter what they put me through and no matter how hard it has been I have learned I have to rise above it all and trust in God.

My Family Background Part One!!!

This post is prob going to be a difficult one for me. I know alot of times I stink at putting into words my thoughts and my feelings. I just feel like in a way this is my blog and I want to document how I am feeling at this moment so bare with me cause I might be all over the place.

Some people have parents that they are super close to. I read blogs where the girl says that her mom is her best friend, or I read a blog where they are packing up to go spend the weekend with the family. Then there is my family!!!!

Growing up I thought I was the princess in all the Disney classics. I lived in the big 2 story house, my parents got me and my sister alot of stuff, and I thought we were a happy family. I have know learned that I was a kid growing up that was in complete denial of her surrounding. I remember it really all started my 7 grade year. My mom and dad were fighting non-stop. Now understand when I say fighting I mean yelling, screaming at the top of their lungs, and even the occasional throwing of things (hair-dryers, plates, remotes, etc.) I eventually found out that most of the fighting had to do with my mom having an affair. I wish I could remember how I found out this but I can not remember. I dont know if this was true but my dad had reason to believe that mom was having an affair.

It seemed like the fighting lighten up and that things were getting back to normal. We had started back sitting at the table ever night eating supper together, talking, and laughing together. Then my 8th grade year 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, my mom and dad sat me and my sister down to inform us that my mom was pregnant. I remember that I wasnt very excited about it cause my sister was in her first of college and I was finally getting all the attention and I didnt want to have to share it with a new baby. I know I was being selfish.

My mom went the Monday after Thanksgiving to her first doctors appointment and well the visit didnt turn out good she had lost the baby. Those next 2 weeks my mom cried alot and stayed in her room. I remember that my parents started fighting again to ALOT!!!  Also during this my mom was still bad sick like morning sickness and normal pregnancy symptons. So her doctor decided to do what he called exploratory surgery. He was thinking that maybe she didnt discharge everything she was suppose to when she lost the baby. The day after Christmas we went with my mom for her week after surgery check-up. It was me, my sister, my mom. and my mom's best friend. I was so excited cause after my mom's appointment we were going shopping and I was going to get to spend my Christmas money.

Have you ever watched a movie where when the person gets told something really bad?? Well in that moment the world to that person stops but everything around them is still going on. This is how I felt cause the doctor informed us that my mom had stage 2 ovarian cancer and that he had to go back in next week and do a complete hysterectomy on my mom. The doctor also informed us that mom had about 6 months to live.

I wish I knew how to explain how I felt but lost and confused prob explains it best. So within 2 weeks my mom had to be cut open twice and 3 days after her second surgery she had her first of 6 rounds of chemo. Those months that followed this were life changing. My sister stayed at college she didnt want to face that her mom was so sick. My dad was the same way so he worked all the time. So that just left me to take charge. During this time I messed up alot of laundry ( this is how I learned you dont put clorox on colored clothes), I learned you dont put metal or tin foil in the microwave. I grew up during this time ALOT!!

I woke myself up to get ready for work, I fixed my own breakfast, my sack lunch, and took care of mom all before going to school. When I got home from school I would strip down and change clothes under the carpot and lysol down. I would then sit in the bed with my mom and tell her all about my day, cook us supper, help my mom get a bath, and do whatever household chore needed to be done.

The memory of this time that was the hardest to me was one morning my mom rang her bell. I had giving her a bell to ring when she needed me and I wasnt there. I ran upstairs that morning and she was laying there smiling like she always was which was hard for me cause I never understood why she was so happy to be sick. Anyway when I got up there she informed that she had to go to the bathroom. I got to the bed and she grabbed me to pull herself up. What happened next is when it really hit that cancer was more than just any normal sickness. For everyone that loves my hair well I got it from my mom. She had long curly hair just as soft as a baby. Well this morning she came up and her hair stayed right there on the pillow. My heart stopped at that moment I wanted to cry, get angry, and scream. I didnt understand why, what, how, and even when was this going to be over. When was I going to wake up and this nightmare be over!!!

During this time, I realized what being strong meant. What being a leader meant. I had to grow up!!! My mom made it through all of that and I like to say that she had my help I thought yes our family made it through the storm and I thought life was going to be life again. Oh how I wished my family would be a family again. By this time I was starting the ninth grade. Tradegy hit my family a month after my mom went into remission. I had a fourwheeler wreck and broke my leg bad (I will save this story for another post) then a month after my wreck my family lost a close family friend to a car wreck. I am not going to lie I thought God hated my family and I didnt understand why?! My family were church goers my dad was the preacher!!! I was so confused I thought bad things didnt happen to Christians evidently.

The fighting between my parents were back on and they had even got to where they slept in separate bedrooms. I even heard my mom tell her friend that my dad didnt love her anymore cause of her cancer and all her scars. I am not going to lie that cancer changed my mom. I wouldnt say for the better either. She didnt have that love in her towards me and it hurt alot. I remember feeling (and still do alot of times) that she was to busy trying to hurt my dad and that my dad was to busy trying to hurt her that they forgot they had me there.

My 11th grade year I was on top of the world , I had finally got my braces off and I had alot of confidence cause guys were finally telling me I was pretty. I had my best friend who I was with every weekend and I was on the cheerleader squad and loving it. I had started driving and getting to go out and I never wanted to be at home. March 2003 my life took an unexpected turn one that still til today makes me tear up and still scars me. A week after my birthday and the day after I had competed in Leake COunty's Jr MIss pageant. My parents sit me down and tell me that they are getting a divorce. MY dad then tells me that he was unfaithful, and that I couldnt be friends with my best friend anymore cause it was her mom that he had been seeing.

This girl had been my best friend my only friend since the 4th grade. I mean this wasnt just a phase I was going through. Her family had become my family I went and had thanksgiving with her family. I went into a depression i had clue what I was going to do I went to school and sat by myself. I had no friends cause well it was going around all these crazy rumors. I went home to the house I had lived in my entire life and felt like a stranger. My dad told me he didnt want me living with him cause he had to work so much and well I didnt want to live with him. Why would I live with the man who I hated. I yelled at him screamed at him threw things at him cause this man had been so selfish to me why my friends mom. Now my mom cried all the time she also went into this bitch mode. Now I cant say I blame her I mean I cant imagine how she felt having to leave the only life that she had known for 26 years but trust me they sure didnt think about me at all.

My parents made my senior year a living hell. this was when the divorce battle really began and turst me they fought over EVERYTHING from the dog to the kitchen sink. This is when I knew I had lost the fairytale family I thought I had. I never talked to my dad for one he didnt call but I also didnt want to talk to him. My mom and me started fighting all the time. I know I was hard to deal with but I wanted attention and all she was worried about was my dad and the divorce. I feel like I died to them when there marriage failed.

I remember that Sunday like it was yesterday. My mom was mad at the world as always and I was being my normal pissed off at the world self. We started fighting cause I was on the phone with my dad. She told me I wasnt allowed to talk to him in her house. I acourse got mad cause my dad paid my cell phone and he was going off in my ear about my mom then had my mom screaming about my dad. Once again I was in the middle of them and their battle with each other.I screamed at my mom and called her a bitch and thats when it happened she punched me in the face, starting throwing stuff and even kicked me in the stomach. I ran out and went to my dad. Bout thirty minutes laater, my dad gets a phone call that my mom was found unconscious with a suicide note beside her. In the note she explained that she had been tkaing tyenol all day long she took over half a bottle all together before it knocked her out.

Now I understnad that the woman who hit me wasnt my mom but for a long time after that I was scared of her and still to this day we dont have that touchy relationship that mother/daughters should have. My mom was in icu for over a week and I got put kinda in a foster care. My dad didnt want me with my mom until she was better but he didnt want me either. So I moved in with some friends that had a lil girl for a few months.

I have realized that this post is a long one and that it needs to be broke up into two posts!! Please bare with me while I document all of this cause this is something dear to me and something I want to share. So I will post part two tomorrow!!

Where oh Where did my Weekend Go?!?

Are you kidding me is it really Monday again?? NOOOOOO!!!! Well I hope everyone had a good weekend I know I did for the lil bit of one I had. So let me tell you what I did.

Friday well I worked til 5:30 which put me 6 getting home. I cooked me and Jeremy scrambled eggs and toast for supper. Why did we have this?? I have no clue it just seemes like the thing to eat. After supper we put our pjs on and settled in the living room and watched the movie Drive with Ryan Goslin. I didnt hate the movie but it isnt my favorite either. Well then we went to bed at 9:30.

Saturday morning was just like every other day during the week I was up at 6:15 walking Lizzie Mae outside cussing her while drinking coffee. I will tell you about Lizzie later I promise. Anyway I had scheduled Lizzie an appointment with the groomer for Saturday morning. Jeremy left for work and me and Lizzie left at 7:30 to drop her off at Pampered Paws. Well evidently there was some miscommunication with the lady cause she told me she usually got to work at 7:30 so I was like well good I leave at 7:30 going to work. Well the lady didnt show up so made me very late for work. It takes me 25 minutes from my house and well I didnt leave til 7:50. So my morning wasnt off to a good start but I calmed down and got to work around 8:15 and worked til 12:30. When I left worked and got halfway home I got in a thunderstorm or as I like to call it a monsoon!!! It was raining so hard that I had to pull over. I do not like driving in rain but this monsoon about made me piss in my pants.

I finally made it home and made me another pot of coffee ( my nerves were shot) and got in my pjs and just had some quiet time before Jeremy got home. When my honey got home we fixed a frozen pizza for lunch and curled up and watched the Skulls. Jeremy is a movie fanactic and found the Skulls movie pack at walmart for 5. After the movie Jeremy and I went to walmart and did our grocery shopping plus got Wendy's for supper (so not on my diet plan) and watched Skulls II and turned in for the night at 9:30 I am telling you what me and Jeremy are party animals.

Sunday morning me and Jeremy slept in til 8. We felt so rested. He got up and went in the living room I stayed in the bed and finished reading my book finally lord I didnt think I was ever going to have enough time to finish it. Plus drink my 2 cups of coffee. AFter I finished my book I washed clothes, washed our sheets, vacummed the bedroom, Jeremy swept the floors while I mopped behind him, and I gave Lizzie a bath. While the sheets were drying me and Jeremy watched the movie Contagion umm yeah wasnt a fan of this movie either. Then we watched the past weeks Jersey Shore. I swear I know that show is so stupid but lord it makes for some good laughs. I also managed to make a chocolate chip pie which I must say was so good.

Super Bowl party was so wild at our house!!! Puhlease!! Our version was like g rated. hahahaha My girl Lindsey came up and stayed with us. So me her and Jeremy watched the super bowl in our pjs while talking bout Ho-hay!!! Any guy that Lindsey has ever dated, thinks is cute, or dislikes Jeremy names him Ho-hay. Who knows why other than he loves to aggravate Lindsey. We had so much fun.

Halftime show was not good to me at all. Was Madonna drunk?? I mean I know she is in her fifties but she acted crazy to me. The whole thing was weird to me. I think they need to have Aerosmith back cause their halftime is by far the best to date. And well I am not team Brady nor am I team Manning but last night I was so Team Brady. I know there is alot of people that is a fan of Eli cause he is from MS and went to Ole Miss. I am sorry I try to like him but he rubs me the wrong way so bad. I have nothing against his family I know they are good people but I still cant bring myself to cheer for Eli. So acourse last night I was out numbered cause Lindsey and Jeremy both cheered for the Giants, but not this girl and I want a sore loser at all. I am happy for Eli he is a good quarterback but I just dont like him.

Ok so does anyone watch the Voice?? I did not watch it last year, but I did last night and I really enjoyed it. Acourse now I wish I hadnt liked it cause it comes on tonight. UGH am I the only one who thinks all the good shows come on Monday night. We watch the bachelor, hart of dixie, and Alcatraz which all comes on Monday night. I have been having to watch Hart of Dixie online cause we watched Bachelor and tape Alcatraz. Well now the Voice is on Monday nights.  Oh well I will have to pay attention to Twitter more to keep up with the Voice.

So thats my weekend and here I am back at work on a Monday morning. My day isnt off to a good start at all like I have done cried this morning. My boss is in one of his moods where nothing I do is correct so I have been getting in trouble alot. Some men have to feel in control and by doing that they have to cut you down well my boss is like that. It is hard alot of days but I am so thankful to have a job that pays the bills.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I am hoping during lunch or tonight that I can read about yalls weekend.

Thank You for being a friend!!!

Hello ladies!! Yes I so was singing the Golden Girls theme song when i typed my title. hahahaha you know you started singing it to when you read my title. If you didnt well sing it now!!!

Anyway the reason for my title is because yall gave me a big head yesterday!! I have 17 followers and had 6 comments on one post!! Seriously though thank yall so much for taking the time to make me feel spefcial. I mean I understand alot of blogs have way more than 17 followers and get more than 6 comments but to me I hit the jackpot. I went home and celebrated last night hahahaha.

I have to say though this morning a bunch of yall are making me jealous cause yall are talking about the weekend and yall plans. Well let me tell you guys my plans. . . . . . . .. . drumroll please. . . . . . . wait for it now. . . . .

WORK!!!!!!!

Yes that is right today is not my Friday nope its called torture season wait I mean tax season so I will be at work tomorrow. I have the best boyfriend cause he even puts in overtime and works on Saturdays to just so I want feel angry when I leave and he is still in the bed. I am thankful for how fast January flew by and that February is already here.

No but I do get Sunday off which is my day of catch up. I will get the clothes washed and house cleaned and I cook a full course meal for my love bug. This Sunday is special though cause its the Super Bowl WHOOP WHOOP. I mean I think even non football lovers watch the Super Bowl. If you dont watch the super bowl you are wishing you were watching it. Since this is our first Super Bowl in our home I couldnt now have a get together. So we are having Jeremy's sister, his nephew, and hopefully Lindsey over to watch the game and eat steaks!!! Yes since its such a small amount of people Jeremy has decided he is going to grill steaks!!! YUMMY!! I am going to do a desert and maybe some other appetizers. Nothing big just a small get together with family and friends. I will prob be in my pjs, curled up on the couch with Lizzie.

Well ladies there you have it my weekend plans!! While I hate I am having to work on Saturdays I am excited cause my bank account is growing which means I can hopefully upgrade to an Iphone 4. Yes this girl still has the first Iphone they came out with but let me tell you I def have gotten my money out of it hahaha.

Thanks again ladies for making yesterday be extra special for me!!! For a girl who doesnt look at myself as pretty or even someone that people would like it really meant alot.

Have a great weekend!!!

Christmas in February!!

You know a few posts ago I wrote about what a terrible week I was having well that week was so worth it now cause yesterday was a great day. It was like Christmas all over again so what if all the gifts were from me to myself. So lets talk about what I got.

First off at lunch time yesterday the fedex guy dropped off a box that had my books!!! I ordered the Tim tebow and Kris Jenner books. I love Tim Tebow and how he is one of the few people left in the media that isnt scared to stand up in his faith. Kris Jenner book as much as the Kardashians get on my nerves and put bad thoughts in my head I am hoping this book will help my judgement over them.

Then when I got home there was a box under the carport. I was so excited cause I knew it was my first purchase off of Etsy!!! Yes I had never heard of etsy til Katie over at Keep Calm and Carry On posted about her pillow she ordered from Next Door to Heaven. I fell in love with her purchase and had to order myself one. Well it came in yesterday and is now taking up residency on our bed!!!

Ugh sorry I didnt take the time to turn it.



As many of you followers already know me and my boyfriend just got a house and moved in together, so if you know of any other cute etsy stores I might like please leave me a comment and let me know.

Ok so last gift to myself last night was tickets to Super Bulldog Weekend!! WHOOP WHOOP!!! I am so ready for this and get to see Sugarland in concert also. I am so ready for football season but at least I get to watch my dawgs play in April. I am so excited!!!! Hurry up APril 21 this girl is ready. I must start shopping today.

Well I know this is short post but I am off to work and make some green cause I sure like to spend it hahaha but wanted to leave you with a picture of myself. I have me drying my hair and letting it do its on think and just straightening the frizz down. I am loving it cause it has tons of body like this and well its something different besides my curls. Oh and I have makeup on and think I look pretty in this picture which is oh so rare.

Hope everyone has a fab Thursday!!!! So thankful for the sunshine!!!

Happy Hump Day!!!!

Good Morning Ladies!!! I am so glad that today is Wednesday which acourse I wish it was Friday but My new books come in today. I wish I got excited about reading in high school as I do now. I got to do some blog reading yesterday and looks like my friends are doing good.

Well I need to be put in time-out cause well I lied to yall yesterday :( I didnt go home and workout!!!! Instead after work I went and saw my mom and step dad for a lil bit cause I havent seen them in awhile. Then I went home and spent some quality tv time with my boyfriend. We have gotten into the new show Alcatraz. Does anyone else watch that show?? It comes on Fox on Monday nights at 8. Well we are always watching the Bachelor on Monday nights so we have to tape Alcatraz.

Well I did remember that I told yall I would post Lizzie Mae's first photo shoot. So I am going to do that for yall. I am sure yall think I am corny for having professional pictures done of my dog. But oh well I like to be different. Lizzie Mae is in alot of trouble this week. I finally thought we had her potty trained and well now she refuses to poo outside but as soon as we bring her in she does in in the house. UGH I am not a happy momma. So this morning we stayed outside until she pooped outside. I do not know what has brought this own but she will get out of this.

Anyway here is a few of my favorites.

Love this one:)

I love love love this one!!!!

Yes I am a big black and white picture fan. This are so not all of them but I so didnt want to overload you with pictures. I am so proud of these though and cant wait til the spring when me, jeremy, and Lizzie Mae are going to get Lindsey (Lala) to take family pictures of us.

I am going to leave you with this oops picture that Lindsey took. This was towards the end of the shoot and Lizzie was very tired of taking pictures and well she ran off right when Lindsey tookthe picture. I love it the picture though I am thinking of making it a 8 x10 and putting it in a pretty frame.

I hope you like the pictures and I hope you all have a great Wednesday!!