I wish yall knew how much yesterday's post helped me feel like just by taking the time to right down all of that and for me to be able to reflect about how much I have overcome made me feel alive so thanks for being patient.
So I left off yesterday where I had to move in with some friends. It was hard for me cause I felt lost in a way. Not that I wasnt thankful for the people I lived with they helped me feel part of a family again which I havent felt like that in years. About 2 months after my mom tried committing suicide, I deccided to do my high schools beauty and beau for the first time. I had never really been one to dress nice and to wear makeup. I was the tomboy in my grade which meant I was the jean, tshirt, nike wearing, and pony tail type girl. I didnt care what I looked like so yeah I was prob the girl that you would have laughed at. I didnt have any girls friends cause I had lost my only girl friend. Anyway I am getting off track, I got the perfect dress and had my hair fixed and makeup done. I was so proud of my look and well guess what I won!! Yes I was named Most Beautiful of my school. The feeling was awesome I felt important and I felt proud of myself. In all reality though I knew that feeling wouldnt last long. My parents were there and well they had court the next day over the latest item that they were fighting over. When it came time for pictures my parents both came in the room to congratulate me I assume but they spoted each other first and well I thought to myself lets get ready to rumble. The fight was on!! Finally a dad told them to stop cause he looked at me and I had mascare running down my face. I was so embarrassed they couldnt let me have one happy moment without ruining it. This wouldnt be the last fight either!!
The first of December about 4 months of moving I finally moved back home to my moms. She acted like my old mom the loving caring mom. We talked together, cooked together, and watched tv together. It didnt last long though cause my dad got behind on his child support so once her money wasnt coming in she took it out on me. By graduaiton I was so ready to get away from my parents. I had to go to my grandparents and borrow money from them just so I could graduate cause my parents wouldnt pay my tuition. Once I moved to college I thought it would be all good but it wasnt the fighting continued and me being in the middle continued. My mom threatened to kill my dad a bunch. I got to where I drank every night and smoked alot to. The drinking helped the pain but didnt help me in my education. I partied every night and just didnt care about life. I even went to jail one night for under age drinking. I wasnt even ashamed of it at the time cause I knew I was disappointed my parents and I wanted them to hurt just the way they hurt me. I went and got my belly button pierced which infuriated my parents.
I came home for Christmas. I wasnt excited about it at all cause Christmas wasnt the same anymore and new mom was struggling with money and so was dad. I dont remember exactly what my dad gave me that year but I do remember my mom gave me a bunch of clothes and a new tv. I thought wow this is great!!! I loved all my stuff and thought things were looking up for my family!!!
The first year of college was a blur though cause I stayed drunk more than I did sober. I gained the freshman 15 to. Right when I was going to be moving home for the summer my sister calls to inform me that my mom had been arrested. I was like WHAT?!? here we go again. She had stole checks from her best friend and forged there name and cashed the checks. My moms best friend had been in my life since I was born I mean this was my family. Well needless to say just like that my parents took somebody else out of my life and I had no control over it. I got so mad at my mom why?? So I moved in with some friends and started keeping there kids, cleaning house, and anything they needed to make money. My mom couldnt give me money cause she was either in court with my dad or now with her best friend. So I was 19 and had no money!! All I new was I had to make a living for myself. I had to do something it was very obvious that my family wasnt going to take care of me. So I dropped out of college and started doing whatever I could.
Rumors in a small town spread fast as many of you prob already know. My parents had been the topic of the town for a couple of years now and this latest stunt with my mom was the headlines of the weekly paper. It was brought to my attention that all the clothes my mom had gotten me for Christmas was stolen and so was the tv. Stolen?!? What was going on in my life I was trying to better myself and my parents were making it hard. I packed up the clothes and the tv I had gotten and knew I had to make things right. I couldnt keep something that wasnt mine. I found out who the clothes to belong to. I took them back to the owner telling her I was so sorry that I had worn them not knowing but that I didnt have the money to pay her back. Thankfully the owner was just impressed with my trying to make things right that she just excepted the clothes. Next I went to the business wehre the tv came from. Apparently some nice citizen had heard of my mom and the stolen tvs and paid for them so I was able to keep my new tv. I wish I knew who did that but it remains a mystery.
I finally found a job at the local daycare and I loved it. I felt in control for the first time. I was taking care of me and paying my bills but I still felt so lonely. I wasnt talking to my parents and had even gotten my number change so they couldnt call me. I thought I was headed in the right path but all the while I was still drinking at nihgt to help me rest. During this time I wouldnt say I was an alcoholic but I def wasnt treating my body right. I thought I was so mature for my age and so in control of my NOPE!!! I met a guy in October of 2005 and fell inlove or so I thought. By Febuary 2006 I was engaged and well June we were married. My parents disagreed told me I needed to take my time I was only 20 but I didnt listen to them. I felt like who are they to give me advice on love. Marriage wasnt fun to me by August we were fighting non stop. I cant say and never will say it was all him cause I was just as bad as him.
During my marriage, my parents were in and out of my life. By Feburary 2008 I was separated and didnt know what I was going to do but a month later I went back to him. Then May 2009 I was done it was obvious that we werent in love and it was obvious I had alot of growing up to do. I moved into a house by myself and went crazy. I was staying out late all the time and drinking and smoking. I was thinking Im free and Im going to do whatever I want. I dated a few different guys that were losers. But you know what I was the loser to. I was settling for any guy that paid me attention. Then finally I let God in.
I was tired of my behavior and wanted to be different than my parents I wanted my prince. Well Yall know what happends next. . . . Jeremy came into my life.
I look back on my life and Im like WOW!!! I am so much better now and Im glad I have went through all of this. I am not perfect and my life hasnt been a fairytale but its the life and the journey that God gave me.I am so proud of the woman I am today and its becuase this past year and a half I have had a guy in my life that has helped mold me and who believed in me.
So Yall prob want to know what about my parents??
My dad has been dating a girl for the past 6 years. I guess she is ok he doesnt include me in his dating life. Our relationship is ok I guess we talk on the phone but dont really see each other very often. I still hold alot of grudge against him but I am still workin gon it
My mom and me well today we are good. She is in and out of my life alot. She has remarried and I like my stepdad. He makes my mom happy. I try really hard with my mom and I talk to her but I still dont trust her and am cautious with her cause I dont want to get my hopes up with her.
Overall though, I respect my parents cause that is what the Bible says to do. No matter what they put me through and no matter how hard it has been I have learned I have to rise above it all and trust in God.
So I left off yesterday where I had to move in with some friends. It was hard for me cause I felt lost in a way. Not that I wasnt thankful for the people I lived with they helped me feel part of a family again which I havent felt like that in years. About 2 months after my mom tried committing suicide, I deccided to do my high schools beauty and beau for the first time. I had never really been one to dress nice and to wear makeup. I was the tomboy in my grade which meant I was the jean, tshirt, nike wearing, and pony tail type girl. I didnt care what I looked like so yeah I was prob the girl that you would have laughed at. I didnt have any girls friends cause I had lost my only girl friend. Anyway I am getting off track, I got the perfect dress and had my hair fixed and makeup done. I was so proud of my look and well guess what I won!! Yes I was named Most Beautiful of my school. The feeling was awesome I felt important and I felt proud of myself. In all reality though I knew that feeling wouldnt last long. My parents were there and well they had court the next day over the latest item that they were fighting over. When it came time for pictures my parents both came in the room to congratulate me I assume but they spoted each other first and well I thought to myself lets get ready to rumble. The fight was on!! Finally a dad told them to stop cause he looked at me and I had mascare running down my face. I was so embarrassed they couldnt let me have one happy moment without ruining it. This wouldnt be the last fight either!!
The first of December about 4 months of moving I finally moved back home to my moms. She acted like my old mom the loving caring mom. We talked together, cooked together, and watched tv together. It didnt last long though cause my dad got behind on his child support so once her money wasnt coming in she took it out on me. By graduaiton I was so ready to get away from my parents. I had to go to my grandparents and borrow money from them just so I could graduate cause my parents wouldnt pay my tuition. Once I moved to college I thought it would be all good but it wasnt the fighting continued and me being in the middle continued. My mom threatened to kill my dad a bunch. I got to where I drank every night and smoked alot to. The drinking helped the pain but didnt help me in my education. I partied every night and just didnt care about life. I even went to jail one night for under age drinking. I wasnt even ashamed of it at the time cause I knew I was disappointed my parents and I wanted them to hurt just the way they hurt me. I went and got my belly button pierced which infuriated my parents.
I came home for Christmas. I wasnt excited about it at all cause Christmas wasnt the same anymore and new mom was struggling with money and so was dad. I dont remember exactly what my dad gave me that year but I do remember my mom gave me a bunch of clothes and a new tv. I thought wow this is great!!! I loved all my stuff and thought things were looking up for my family!!!
The first year of college was a blur though cause I stayed drunk more than I did sober. I gained the freshman 15 to. Right when I was going to be moving home for the summer my sister calls to inform me that my mom had been arrested. I was like WHAT?!? here we go again. She had stole checks from her best friend and forged there name and cashed the checks. My moms best friend had been in my life since I was born I mean this was my family. Well needless to say just like that my parents took somebody else out of my life and I had no control over it. I got so mad at my mom why?? So I moved in with some friends and started keeping there kids, cleaning house, and anything they needed to make money. My mom couldnt give me money cause she was either in court with my dad or now with her best friend. So I was 19 and had no money!! All I new was I had to make a living for myself. I had to do something it was very obvious that my family wasnt going to take care of me. So I dropped out of college and started doing whatever I could.
Rumors in a small town spread fast as many of you prob already know. My parents had been the topic of the town for a couple of years now and this latest stunt with my mom was the headlines of the weekly paper. It was brought to my attention that all the clothes my mom had gotten me for Christmas was stolen and so was the tv. Stolen?!? What was going on in my life I was trying to better myself and my parents were making it hard. I packed up the clothes and the tv I had gotten and knew I had to make things right. I couldnt keep something that wasnt mine. I found out who the clothes to belong to. I took them back to the owner telling her I was so sorry that I had worn them not knowing but that I didnt have the money to pay her back. Thankfully the owner was just impressed with my trying to make things right that she just excepted the clothes. Next I went to the business wehre the tv came from. Apparently some nice citizen had heard of my mom and the stolen tvs and paid for them so I was able to keep my new tv. I wish I knew who did that but it remains a mystery.
I finally found a job at the local daycare and I loved it. I felt in control for the first time. I was taking care of me and paying my bills but I still felt so lonely. I wasnt talking to my parents and had even gotten my number change so they couldnt call me. I thought I was headed in the right path but all the while I was still drinking at nihgt to help me rest. During this time I wouldnt say I was an alcoholic but I def wasnt treating my body right. I thought I was so mature for my age and so in control of my NOPE!!! I met a guy in October of 2005 and fell inlove or so I thought. By Febuary 2006 I was engaged and well June we were married. My parents disagreed told me I needed to take my time I was only 20 but I didnt listen to them. I felt like who are they to give me advice on love. Marriage wasnt fun to me by August we were fighting non stop. I cant say and never will say it was all him cause I was just as bad as him.
During my marriage, my parents were in and out of my life. By Feburary 2008 I was separated and didnt know what I was going to do but a month later I went back to him. Then May 2009 I was done it was obvious that we werent in love and it was obvious I had alot of growing up to do. I moved into a house by myself and went crazy. I was staying out late all the time and drinking and smoking. I was thinking Im free and Im going to do whatever I want. I dated a few different guys that were losers. But you know what I was the loser to. I was settling for any guy that paid me attention. Then finally I let God in.
I was tired of my behavior and wanted to be different than my parents I wanted my prince. Well Yall know what happends next. . . . Jeremy came into my life.
I look back on my life and Im like WOW!!! I am so much better now and Im glad I have went through all of this. I am not perfect and my life hasnt been a fairytale but its the life and the journey that God gave me.I am so proud of the woman I am today and its becuase this past year and a half I have had a guy in my life that has helped mold me and who believed in me.
So Yall prob want to know what about my parents??
My dad has been dating a girl for the past 6 years. I guess she is ok he doesnt include me in his dating life. Our relationship is ok I guess we talk on the phone but dont really see each other very often. I still hold alot of grudge against him but I am still workin gon it
My mom and me well today we are good. She is in and out of my life alot. She has remarried and I like my stepdad. He makes my mom happy. I try really hard with my mom and I talk to her but I still dont trust her and am cautious with her cause I dont want to get my hopes up with her.
Overall though, I respect my parents cause that is what the Bible says to do. No matter what they put me through and no matter how hard it has been I have learned I have to rise above it all and trust in God.
4 comments:
You are definitely on the right track and with that attitude you can do anything you want to! Do not let the negative get in the way of your happiness.
God is Good... All the time!! He knew what he was doing bringing Jeremy in to your life!! Look at you now. Beautiful, Successful and with an awesome guy!!
"..but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26
Your story is truly amazing. In spite of what you've been through you have turned into an amazing woman! I'm so glad you shared this!
I must know, where is your sister in all of this -- Are you two close?
I am so glad that you met Jeremy after all that you've been through! Girlfriend, you deserve a break in life!!
And although you and I have very different backgrounds and childhood (I must admit, that reading his almost made me feel guilty for mine at times), I know with everything in me that if we lived near each other, we'd be the best of friends. You know, those friends who talk about everything, leave it all on the table and don't judge for one second. That'd be you and I!
Hey girl.. reply to this comment.. I want to email you. :)
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