At the end of my Rope!!!

I am so sorry for this post is not going to be a happy positive post.

But instead it is going to be sad and very hard for me to write.

I am warning you cause if you would like to hit the red x in the top right corner

NOW is def the time to do!!! I need to get this off my chest cause I feel like

I cant handle much more.

I have one grandpaw who is the most special man in my life. He is 86 years old and

such a blessing in my life. He taught me how to fish, he taught me all about chickens, he taught me

how to set a trap, and he even taught me how to drive. Anyway he got put in the hospital Thursday.

At this point I am not certain what is wrong but today we should finally be able to get answers.

My dad is my grandpaws only child and well I have never been so disappointed in my father as I

am right now. So I have never been so mad and had so much angry towards my dad before and

I said alot of mean things that I meant but oh God I shouldnt have said to him. I was raised to respect my parents

just like my dad was raised to respect his. Ok so let the story begin.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

This is the day my gramps had his neice, Patsy take him to St dominics Hospital (ER) in Jackson, MS. He was having bad stomach pains. The doctor in the ER had scheduled to do a scope on my grandpaw to decide what the problem was. Right when they were about to do the scope they had to stop because some blood work came back showing that his potassium level was three times the number it should be. Also meaning it was at stroke level. After some further tests the doctors found that his kidneys werent functioning like they shouldeither. 

The doctor decided to keep pawpaw and postpone the scope. My grandpaws neice didnt come prepared to stay so she called my dad and he said to leave my grandpaw by himself. My dad finally called me at 7 to inform me that my grandpaw was in the hospital. 

Friday, March2, 2012

I talked to grandpaw almost every 2 hours. My dad got to the hospital at 10:30 and left at 12:30. My grandpaw was alone all day and night except for those 2 hours. 

Saturday, March 3,2012

I worked til 12 then went with my mom and nephew to a play in Jackson. My dad went to the hospital and sat with my grandpaw for an  hour. I got to the hospital at 4:30 and stayed all night taking care of my precious grandpaw. My grandpaw just talked and cried to me cause he said he was so glad that I came that he hadnt liked being alone. By Saturday night Grandpaw really started hurting in his stomach aftrer asking him several questions. I came to realize that my grandpaw hadnt used the bathroom since WEdnesday night. My grandpaw has a very bad stomach and has always had to take something so he can go to the bathroom. I talked to the nurses and informed them of this situation cause acourse my dad hadnt told them this. Saturday night was a rough night for grandpaw for he was in alot of pain and couldnt get easy cause he needed to use the bathroom and well couldnt. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

This is the day where I am prob going to cry during this whole paragraph. My grandpaw didnt want to be alone which I do not blame him. He asked my mom if she would stay with him and my mom said she would. So the plan was for Jeremy to pick me up from the hospital and I was going home. Jeremy's family was having a small cookout for my birthday. Well plans changed very quick like. As you know my parents are divorced, my mom took it upon herself to call my dad and tell him that she was going to stay with his dad since he wouldnt take care of him. Well my dad cussed my mom out and hung up then turned around called my grandpaw who lets remember is in the hopsital and cussed him out for talking to my mom and for wanting her to come stay with him. Let me explain something my grandpaw and my grandmaw are two people who I will not allow to be mistreated. So my dad informed my grandpaw that he was done with him. He wanted nothing else to do with him and that he wouldnt be back to the hospital to. Well at this moment I have just arrived home and call my grandpaw to let him know that I made it home safe. When he answers the phone he is in tears and I can barely understnad him. So once I realize what has happened I call my dad to talk to him and when he picks up the phoen my dad is laughing!!! Oh so at this moment this is what happened. My lil devil that sits on one shoulder well he dropped kicked my angel and took over my body. I went total ape shit on my dad. It was like I was jacked up on Mt dew. I said very hurtful things alot of words that I will never be able to take back. I am not proud of this at all cause I didnt present myself nor handle myself in a respectful manner. So my dad hung up on me I did what I thought was best I took a shower, packed my bags and headed back to Jackson to be with my grandpaw. Who was so happy when I walked in that door.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I left the hspital at 6:40 heading back to Carthage cause I had to work. i am not use to Lakeland traffic at all. I also am dilusional I am going on 2 nights of no sleep so I pumped myself with as much chocolate(yes I had to force it cause yuck!!), coffee, and my dew as possible. I get informed at 2 that my grandpaw can not come home and well my dad is no where to be found. I lose my composure cause I am so tired. I leave my work at 3:30 go home take a shower and start packing my bag to go stay with my grandpaw. Thankfully my grandpaws neice Patsy called me and said she was going to stay cause she was already down there with him and she knew I needed some rest YIPEE!!!! so I curled up on the couch with my lizzie mae and spent time iwth my lil family and watched the Bachelor

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I went to work and lord I was still tired when I woke up and felt like CRAP!!!!! I decided to be prepared and packed my bags to stay with my grandpaw. I got the call from the doctor that they couldnt let grandpaw come home yet again. So I left work at 4 and headed to Jackson to stay with my grandpaw again.

Wednesday, March 7,2012

Its my Birthday!!!! Grandpaw didnt have a good night. I got up and went to my friends house and took a shower to try to wake me up and pumped as much caffeine in me again. Headed to work and found out again that my pawpaw still couldnt come home. My mom called me and told me she wanted me to be able to spend my birthday at home and that she woudl stay with my grandpaw. My dad still ahsnt stayed once and well when he heard that my mom was staying he got pissed. My dad called and talked to me 7 times BUT NEVER once told me happy birthday he was to busy talking about him and grandpaw. So on my birthday I went home had me a mixed drink with my boyfriend and my best friend and well just relaxed. (Ill give details on my night another post)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Grandpaw still didnt get to come home so I was headed back tonight again after work but pawpaws sweet neice went down to visit with him and has decided to stay so I can go home and get another good nights rest. I am so mentally tired and mentally confused. I am so trying to do the right thing but so confused about my dads action. My mom is doing things to get at my dad and dad is doing things to hurt her. I have called my dad and apologized for my behavior cause two wrongs do not make a right and what I said to him was not right of me nobody how he was acting. His responce to me was ok and then he said he had to go. He still hasnt told me thank you for taking care of his dad. hasnt asked me how I am holding up, nor as he apologized to me.


Overall I am just not having a good week and really need all of my blogger friends to pray for me. Most kids go to their parents when they need advice on stuff but I cant go to my parents on this. I just feel confused on right and wrong. I feel like I am doing the right thing by pushing myself to take care of my grandpaw but it seems like my dad doesnt appreciate it and he is telling people that grandpaw doesnt need anybody with him. My dad is being cold and shortand acting like I have done something wrong.

Just please take a few seconds tonight to say a special prayer for my grandpaw if you dont mind and for my family cause I feel like this is putting a big wedge in between us again. Also I put in a job application  yesterday and praying that I hear good news from it.

So sorry I havent been around much in the blog world but this is why I havent been so hope every one understands.

Callie and Jess- Thank yall so much for wishing me Happy Birthday yesterday!! Meant more to me than you girls know!!!!

Callie- thanks for the award you are just a blessing in my life. I know I havent really meet you but I love you as a friend and pray you are having a good week. I been missing fitness pal:(