So sorry that I didnt blog yesterday it was just one of those days where pms got the best of me and I didnt want to talk or blog to anyone. Im sure everybody has experienced this. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy and I am full aware of this sometimes I do things that hurt me and I have no clue why I do it. Yesterday my emotions were scattered and a hot mess. I felt bloated, useless, and just damn right down in the dumps. Knowing I already felt like this I got on facebook and looked at Jeremy's ex girlfriends page. WTH was I thinking well evidently I am a dumb @$$. She is super skinny long pretty hair and just a pretty girl. YEp the next is horrible on my part but the self pity began. I cried and was thinking why is Jeremy with me when he can have this girl ( she broke up with him but has tried to get him back after we started dating) and I started thinking about everything that I have put him through. Well onWEdnesday nights Jeremy comes down to see me and well we fought all night just about it. After he gets there my mom calls saying I messed her vehicle up when I had used it and that just added to my fire. I took all my hurt in my heart out on Jeremy I know I shouldnt have done that but trust me at the time I felt like it was right.
Since I decided to make changes in my life i feel like I am an emotional wreck. I want a family that I can depend on and a family that is caring and not full of drama. I want a family that cares about me and doesnt just call me when they want something or when its convenient. I want a family like Jeremy has who is always there for each other loving supportive and not trying to tear the other one down. I dont want to be like anybody in my family and I feel like the harder I am tryingto become my own person and break away the harder that lil devil is on me. Jeremy is wanting me to move in with him he is closing on a house this Friday and I am scared to death. I want this but at the same time Im scared about leaving what I know here. Im use to the craziness and drama my family puts me through. What if I dont like the other??? I feel in the middle and I dont know what to do. I feel like im notsatisfied with anything in my life at the moment and I hate that cause I am a happy person. I know I love jeremy that is not a question in my mind but I am scared of failing again. I have done been through one divorce and I guess it just scares me what if I go through another one and have to pick myself up again.
I hate that everytime you have to open up my blog it is about my emotional roller coaster but that is why i need this blog I need support team that have been through this and that can say to me this to shall pass. I have been through alot and overcome alot but here lately I just want to give up. You remember watching cartoons growing up and thhere would be a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Well there you go my angel and devil are fighting and well somethinghasgot to give the devil slips and falls but then somehow that joker always climbs back up stronger than ever. I have to find away to knock that devil off and keep him away so I can enjoy life.
On a happy note this morning I grabbed this red dress out of my closet that I use to love but my belly bulge was to big and it made the dress so uncomfortable. Well guess what I am wearing it this morning and it fits perfect!!!!!! Tomorrow I will show yall pictures from me and Jeremy's first Valentines together thats for being so patient.
Since I decided to make changes in my life i feel like I am an emotional wreck. I want a family that I can depend on and a family that is caring and not full of drama. I want a family that cares about me and doesnt just call me when they want something or when its convenient. I want a family like Jeremy has who is always there for each other loving supportive and not trying to tear the other one down. I dont want to be like anybody in my family and I feel like the harder I am tryingto become my own person and break away the harder that lil devil is on me. Jeremy is wanting me to move in with him he is closing on a house this Friday and I am scared to death. I want this but at the same time Im scared about leaving what I know here. Im use to the craziness and drama my family puts me through. What if I dont like the other??? I feel in the middle and I dont know what to do. I feel like im notsatisfied with anything in my life at the moment and I hate that cause I am a happy person. I know I love jeremy that is not a question in my mind but I am scared of failing again. I have done been through one divorce and I guess it just scares me what if I go through another one and have to pick myself up again.
I hate that everytime you have to open up my blog it is about my emotional roller coaster but that is why i need this blog I need support team that have been through this and that can say to me this to shall pass. I have been through alot and overcome alot but here lately I just want to give up. You remember watching cartoons growing up and thhere would be a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Well there you go my angel and devil are fighting and well somethinghasgot to give the devil slips and falls but then somehow that joker always climbs back up stronger than ever. I have to find away to knock that devil off and keep him away so I can enjoy life.
On a happy note this morning I grabbed this red dress out of my closet that I use to love but my belly bulge was to big and it made the dress so uncomfortable. Well guess what I am wearing it this morning and it fits perfect!!!!!! Tomorrow I will show yall pictures from me and Jeremy's first Valentines together thats for being so patient.
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