Being kind!!!

I am my own worst enemy and have been for years. I think it comes from not wanting to be like my parents or my family. They all are very selfish people and I refuse to be selfish therefore I am mean to myself alot. I down myself and I never let myself think good of myself. Is this healthy?!? Prob not is it normal?!?! NOPE but I am not normal at all just look at the name of my blog.

Anyone who knows me is always telling me I have to big of a heart. REALLY?!?! I dont think that is possible. I will def be a lil selfish and say yeah I do. Let me give you a few examples.

1. a dead animal- I am the one that crys when I see a dead animal in the road and I pray that poor creature didnt suffer.
2. Kim Kardashian- everyone is tearing her apart. I feel bad for her cause we dont know the whole story and who are we to judge her just by what we hear. I am divorced so if people want to look down on her then look down on me to
3. Houston nutt- I am not an Ole miss fan at all. I feel so bad for him cause he is just a normal guy who lost his job. he had a few bad seasons and well everybody tore him apart and said rotten thinks about him and I just feel terrible for him.

Well last night the boyfriend took me to his offices annual Christmas party. Jeremy is always talking to me about Terry. I was looking forward to finally be able to put a face with the name that I hear so often in our home. I left the party last night with tears in my eyes cause I made a new friend. Terry is orginal from Michigan and that is where all his family is also he is here alone. He only gets to go to Michigan twice a year. It just broke my heart cause he is going to spend Christmas alone, and well think about it he spends almost all year alone. I couldnt imagine being alone today I def couldnt imagine at his age. I invited him to come to our house anytime so he could have some company and I told him I would cook for him. I got up this morning and fixed him a big plate full of letovers.

I am sure you are thinking where are you going with this. Well we all have troubles in life. Our car doesnt start, we woke up late for work, our parents irritate us. our hubby pissed us off this morning. Just imagine if you didnt have your parents near you or if you didnt have a hubby or a wife. I just asked that sometime during the holiday season you smile and speak to your elderly and especially pray for them. So many elderly get pushed to the side in this day and time. Trust me I know I overlook how important my grandpaw is. One day that will be all of us and wouldnt you like it if someone was nice to you.

I hope you all have a great weekend!!! Remember what the season is all about and dont get wrapped up in the giving and receiving but enjoy spending time with the ones you love cause you could be Terry who is giong to be spending it alone.

New Year!!!

Hello my peeps!!! Sorry I have MIA but trying to enjoy my new routine and still getting settled. I have alot of stuff going through my head today so I wanted to share with yall and have note of what I want to do and accomplish.

First off I am loving living with Jeremy it is even better than I imagined. We are learning new stuff about each other and making alot of memories together already and I havent even been there a week yet. Lizzie on the other hand is going through depression I think. She has always loved Jeremy but she has always been with me when she has been loving him. I am not able to go home for lunch anymore but Jeremy goes home at lunch and lets her out to stretch and play. You would think that Lizzie would love this but she doesnt understand why I am not the one letting her out. She whines and just lays in my chair depressed. She also does this in the afternoons until I get home then she goes WILD!!! It breaks my heart that she is having a hard time with the new house and the new adjustments. She has only lived in one place since she was 6 weeks old. Have any of you every moved and your dog ever got depressed???

Am I the only one that thinks its still August??? I mean seriously where did this year go?!?! I am def not complaining this year has been awesome in so many ways and I am ready to make 2012 even better. BUT!!!! I am so ready for the holidays to be over. GASP!!! I know I am shocked that I feel this way to casue I usually love Christmas time. I think its just cause so much has happened so fast in my life right here around the holidays so it has had me pretty stressed out. I just havent been very prepared this year as I usually am. It has been hard this year buying for everyone when we been trying to get adjusted into our home. Sorry I know it sounds like I am complaining and I am not I know God has blessed me but it has just all been very overwhelming.

Ok with all that said I have alot I want to accomplish in the new year and I want to list a few of them here so I can come back here and read them when I need reminding of what I want to do. So here we go!!!

1. I want to be physical active more. Like running, walking, working out, swimming, Anything besides lifting a spoon or fork to my mouth.
2. I want to be better at planning. I am such a procrastinator about everything. I want to make meal plans for the week and grocery list and plan birthdays a month in advice instead of the week of.
3. I want to read more. I use to love reading and always had a book in my hand. I want to try to read one book a month surely I can do that.
4. I want to be more crafty. I look on pinterest and love all the DIY crafts but I am always to scared to try it all. I want to stop being scared and just do it. I might actually be good at.
5. I want to strenghten my relationship with God. Everyone needs this.
6. I want to get more into cooking and baking. I feel like I am always cooking the same thing. I want to venture out more and take risk with cooking.
7. I want to work on my self esteem. I always feel like people arent going to like me. I feel like I am not pretty enough or not skinny enough. I know I am not fat but I am very insecure with myself and my body.

This is the main things on my mind lately that I want to work on. I could prob list things for days but I found it common that people overwhelm themself therefore they dont accomplish it at all. I want to accomplish things in life. If I have learned anything in 2011 is I can do anything I set my mind to as long as God is by my side. This year has been the best I can remember and its because I took risk and I fell flat on my butt a few times but I am happy and I am growing. 

Are there goals you want to meet in 2012?? If so let me know I might want to add the goals to my list.  

My weekend and TIme to Adjust!!!

Am I in a dream?!?!?

Good Morning. I am dragging so slow I mean it is Friday today right?!?! Where the hay did my weekend go?!?! Who stole it?!? WHEW!!! This weekend was so busy but so exciting.

I did get moved for everybody wondering and even got everything unpacked. This only happened so smoothly cause I threw so much stuff away. SHOCKER!!! This week is going to be a week worth of first for me and Jeremy which I am not going to lie I am so nervous. We will see each other EVERY day. I have so many what ifs going through my head. Jeremy and I have been together a year and a half. The first year of our relationship we just saw each other on the weekends and the last 6 months its been the weekends and on Wednesday nights. EEK!!! what if after this week he hates me. I know Im thinking crazy. This will also be the first week for me communting back and forth to work. I have always lived ten minutes from my job but NOW it takes me 30 minutes EEK!!! BIG adjustment there to me.

I feel so heavy on my heart this weekend and I have been having to have God really guide me cause I love Jeremy and I know I want to be with him.BUT this move has me so scared of screwing up again. I have already commented to a man before and it didnt end well at all. Yes I have changed alot since then and in my eyes those changes have been for the better. I just want to be the best girlfriend right now that I can be. So these next few weeks are going to be big adjustments on both me and Jeremy I know so if yall all dont mind please say a quick lil prayer for us.

Closing one chapter of my life and beginning a new one!!

Life is a word to me that has so many different meanings. I know the dictionary only has one but my meaning of life is not the same as what you think life means. Each one of us start at a young age planning out our futures we want to be doctors, actors, lawyers, or astronauts. We also dream about the day our prince charming comes along sweeps us up and throw us on the back of his white horse and we ride off into the sunset. ( I like Disney movies can you tell) We dream about having the big house with the wrap around porch and green shutters with kids and babies and animals and ok Ill shut up now cause you get the picture RIGHT?!?!

Life never works out the way we want it to or as we dream it will be. As we grow up our maturity level changes and we decide we dont want to be a lawyer or a doctor but instead we want to be a teacher or a singer. We wind up getting our heart broke a bazillion times and our fairytale slowly starts fading. Our painting we drew in our mind on life is a big wreck and nothing seems clear to us. Peer pressure starts attacking us and we know we dont need to do this or this but we do it anyway. We wake up the next morning and blame everybody including the family dog but never own up to that is was your fault.

Life is what you make it. It isnt going to be perfect and no we will never have it right but thats what is so beautiful about life. I was sitting in my floor last night packing my things into boxes and I busted into tears. Ok when I say tears I mean like dramatic should def win an oscar tears. I wish I could say that all of the tears were from a happy place but not all of them were. I was just overwhelmed with emotions I was happy for what I had overcome but also I started thinking about where I had come from.

Back about 3 years ok I lived in a nice home was driving a brand new sports car and a big diamond on my left hand. I was fairytale living it sounds like but I was miserable. Long story short I got a divorce packed my clothes and hit the road. I got 1000 out of the divorce and bought me a grand pri 1999 model car. Big change from the sports car for sure. I got a rent house and I started trying to rebuild my life. During this time I went down a dark dark road. I started smoking cigarettes like a pack a day, drinking every night, and dating any loser that would give me attention. I was a train wreck. I had no lifestyle what so ever it is embarrassing to think about. I have tears streaming down my face while typing. I had tons of friends during this time though everyone was always calling me saying come on Nicole lets go shopping or lets go do this.

My life changed again on June 14, 2010. God sent me my angel to save me from the road I was on. This angel is Jeremy who I also get to call my boyfriend. He found my picture on myspace. He says something about my face made him want to know me. I accepted his freind request and we started messaging each other back and forth and then we went on a date and well you know. I havent been in a bar since June 12,2010. I have quit smoking and I hardly never drink. Did Jeremy make me change?? No but he made me want to. Before June 14,2010 I can not tell you the last time I prayed to God. Now I pray to him every night before I close my eyes even if its just to tell God thank you. I dont have all my friends I did before but I got all I need now I have my real friends who when I need them they come running, when I need to cry they cry with me, when I need to laugh they do something totally retarded, and when I need to scream they plug their ears.

My life has been a rollercoaster and why God loves me so much literally takes my breath away cause wow I have been a tough one to handle and I def know I try his patience. I dont know why God sent Jeremy to me but I am so glad he did. My painting on life is starting to become clear again and it sure is beautiful. I have so much to be thankful for and I so often take it for granted. Jeremy has helped me grow into this amazing person. I have learned so much and I have tried so many new things. Im finally saying goodbye to my past and saying hello to my future and yes alot of tears are being shed. Do not go to the dollar general here needing Kleenex cause this girl bought them out.

Just remember life to you might me hard, life to you might be great,  but in reality life is what you want it to be :)

I'm BACK!!!!

Hello my lovies!!! I am back and rested :) I have to say last week was the best Thanksgiving that I can remember. YESSSSS!!!! Ok where do I even begin cause goodness I have so much to tell yall and my mind is going crazy on where to begin ????

Well for starters I know most of yall HATED coming back to work today but this girl was so excited to start this week off. WHY?!?! well cause this is my last week living in Carthage that is right this weekend is the weekend that I move in with Jeremy. Up unitl this week I have been an emotional wreck I am not going to lie. I have been scared, nervous, happy, sad, oh goodness I have been ever emotion possible. I have prayed to God am I making a mistake?? I watch Kim & Kourtney take New York last night and it made me start thinking about how Kim and Kris had just gotten married and living together and they had alot of struggles cause they both were so different. Also in this day and time lets face it it is so easy to get a divorce. I dont want that AGAIN!!! I refuse to go down that road again. Therefore I know I am doing the right thing and for those of you that I offend by living with Jeremy before marriage I am sorry but I have to do what is right for me.

Ok so moving on, me and Jeremy exchanged christmas presents this weekend also hahahaha. I know your thinking what the hay Christmas is still a month away. Trust me we know this let me explain. I just bought a newer car, we just got a house which means alot of new bills for us. So we went ahead and got two big expensive gifts to ech other out of the way therefore we will have money to buy for everyone else and be able to enjoy christmas instead of being stressed out about money. Since we just got the new house we are slowly getting everything like we want it so I bought Jeremy a new grill and he bought me a new swing for the back porch.

Jeremy's new grill which we put together :)



My new swing up and ready to make memories in :)



I am so excited about these two gifts. Last night Jeremy grilled us chicken and I sat in the swing while he grilled. Yes we are like an old married couple but we love it.

Last Tuesday night I went painting with Jeremy's mom, his granny, and his sister at Easley Amused. We painting a Christmas ornament. Also the last week I went painting with some friends and we did a Christmas poinsetta which I didnt share a picture of. I have both of this diplayed in the house as part of our Christmas decorations.

My Christmas Poinsetta which to me looks more like Patrick from Spongebob lol







My Christams ornament

Thursday was a lazy day for us. Jeremy layed on the couch and watch football most of the day and Lizzie and I layed in the bed and watched the parade and slept alot. Lizzie really enjoyed her Thanksgiving!!!

Thursday night we went to my moms and stepdads for thanksgiving which was alot of fun. Friday I got up early and went shopping with Jeremy's mom and sister which we had a blast. We just went and got decorations really. After shopping Jeremy's sister came over and helped me start decorating my tree which still isnt finished yet got to get more stuff but here is the halfway mark hehehehe

Friday night Jeremy and I went to his parents for Thanksgiving and goodness we ate way to much and his parents surprised us with an early Christmas present :) his dad built it and his mom painted it.

Saturday was the day I had been waiting on all year my first time going to the EGGBOWL. Rain was in the forecast but I didnt care I just did my hair curly put my rainboots on ( well I had to borrow them from Jeremy's sister) and it was off to Starkville. I had planned to meet up with Callie but the rain didnt allow me to :( but I did get to wave at her big. She is even more prettier in person just hate I didnt get to talk to her but after a few texting conversations I feel like I know her. So here is a few pictures from Saturday I had so much fun but was so glad to get home and get a hot shower and get in my bed.

Well I dont think I left anything out but I am sure if you read all of this you are bored out of your mind. I am off to finish this Monday morning off so I can have lunch with my favorite girl Lindsey. Then tonight I must start packing so I want be so overwhelmed by this weekend. Hope yall are off to a great start. Even though Thanksgiving has come and gone dont be so quick to forget what all you have to be thankful for.

Overwhelmed!!!!

Yes the title says it all I dont do good with having SO much going on cause I get to sweating and stressed and my blood pressure goes up. As I know I have talked about many times I am fixing to move in with my boyfriend. I know alot of people think this is awful and I use to be that person Who wanted to do it the right way but after my first divorce I feel led to do it this way.

Anywho. . . . I have so much I want to do, that I need to do, and EEK!!!! I am running out of time I feel like. I dont have PATIENCE like zero!!! When I get my mind set on doing something I will do it with NO help cause who needs help???

I am in the process of trying to decorate a house which means in the process of slowly buying stuff. Also this is Thanksgiving week and trying to figure out stuff I can fix ( well this is whenever the family decides when we are eating) and also trying to make out my christmas list, plus ARGH I have to decorate the house for Christmas and I am moving in the house next weekend. Let me say I havent even started packing.

Ok peeps quit laughing I am sure to yall this is a piece of cake but I am a basket case stress out need MEDICATION stat. We also have the EGG Bowl Saturday which means I have to find Lizzie a babysitter and figure out what I am cooking for that day. I feel so overwhlemed here lately my mind never shuts off which means I am not sleeping good.

I am so ready for Christmas cause by then I feel like I will be settled in the house with Jeremy and Lizzie and calm and cool again. So today my day will be spent on Pinterest finding ideas for everything I need. So I will prob be MIA for the next couple of days. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving with your families. I will talk to yall soon

Confessions Unwrapped

Hello my blog loves!! Today I had a post written to link up with Callie for Thankful Thursday but my mind is running so plans have changed.( hope yall dont mind)

If you have read my blog post I dont have much of a family life and well friends have come and gone in my life alot to. I am not a writer in fact when it came to writing papers in school this GIRL!!!! didnt do very good it was always a hot mess with alot of RED marks on my pages.

In the last few months the blog world has helped me more than you ladies know I have found it so encouraging to sit down and read about each one of you. To read about your adventures, your styles, your love life, your screw ups, and just about you. Although I have never meet any of you and might never have the opportunity I just want to say thank you for clicking follow thank you for commenting, thank you for emailing, and thank you for taking the time to get to know me.

I started back in February of this year reading the blog Keeping up with Katie. I saw it on yahoo page about the top inspiring weightloss stories. I had never heard of a blog until that day and it just intrigued me so much. Well after a few days I came across Fitting Back In and it was the same thing. Some days I would cry when I would read this two blogs cause I was like yes Nicole your not crazy!!!!! I have had alot of changes in my life cause I want to be different than what my parents have been. I want to be that person that when you meet me your like wow this girl is genuine.

I started thinking I wanted to start a blog but this voice inside of my head said your dummy you will never be able to do that nobody is going to want to read about your crazy messed up life. Yes I am my own enemy, and where this battle with myself came from I am not sure. I look in the memory and see failure.

Jacob (my best friend/ room-mate) and Jeremy are always telling me I am the GREATEREST!!!!! It is hard sometimes to see myself as even close to that cause I want allow myself. I love making people happy if jeremy or jacob say i wish I had some homemade chili. I am the girl that goes above and beyond to do it.

The last few months of blogging have been hard cause I was scared of what people would think or what if I had no one read it. I look over and it says I have 7 followers. It makes me so greatful cause it makes me think somebody finds something I say interesting. I am so thankful for the blog world cause if I only get to vent to 7 people that is 7 more people that I had to vent to. So thank you for letting me vent to you about my crazy think called life. Thank you for helping me through this crazy time. Thanks you for becoming my blog family. I honestly wake up easier in the morning knowing that yall's blogs are wating on me to read. You all are my lil blessing that God as sent into my lifes and are all helping me reach my goals and dreams. A few months ago I was confused and scared and now I am truely thankful for my life and for the friendships I am starting.

I didnt want to leave without sharing my painting from the other night