The next chapter is . . . . . .

In my life change scares me and often I stress myself out about change. Why you are prob thinking and heck I dont know I wish somebody could tell me. No but especially in relationships I am so scared and always worrying. I use to not be like this I was the lets go with the flow and very traditional type girl. Well when I was sitting at a lawyers office a few years back signing divorce papers alot changed for me. I realized that love stories are very different in this day and time. I started realizing happy endings didnt happy very often and divorce was common. I finally got slapped in the face with reality. Since then I have been scared about finding true love. I have been scared that I would be alone for the rest of my life and never have babies.

I know I have already told you but about a year and a half I meet a guy that is the best ever. He has listened to me, confided in me, told me when I am being a bitch, and fussed at me when I need it. He has went above and beyond to saw me what realy love is and that he will never leave me. As i mentioned already he just bought a house in Kosciusko and has been wanting me to move in with him. I told him I would but that I didnt know when. I have been so scared about it cause I am scared of failing in a relationship again. Plus your not suppose to leave together before you get married. Well me and Jeremy sat down Sunday night and had a long talk about how he felt and how I felt and well I am moving in with him the first of December. I am so excited bout the new chapter that I am fixing to start. I know Jeremy is the one I want to be with and I would much rather make sure this is what we both want than to jump into marriage and go through a divorce again. I have been praying about and I know God is in control.

You only live life once and I should embrace it and enjoy it. I have missed so much the last few years because I was scared. This Friday me and Jeremy are headed to Biloxi for a romantic getaway:) See we didnt get to do anything fun for our one year anniversary so we are doing it 4 months later. Friday night we are going to see Easton Corbin in concert andSaturday is aday of shopping. I am so ready for this weekend cause me and Jeremy have so much fun together. I am just sad cause I have to go not one night but 2 nights and 3 days with my Lizzie:( I am so going to be having withdrawals. I know you are all laughing that I am upset about leaving my pup behind but this is my child.

Other than this nothing really has been going on in my life lately just work has been kinda crazy and well me and my sinuses have been in a battle back and for. I am ready for this weather to decide if it wants to be cold or if it wants to be hot. I hate having to bundle up in the morning then shed clothes in the afternoon.

Anywho I am off to work and finish off my work day hope you all are having a great week!!!!!

Random post!!!

Is my blog fun and filled with pictures? No and I am sorry that my camera cord doesnt cooperate with me BUT I been reading some blogs where its alot of peoples pet peeves about blogs. It saddens me that my blog might not be a hit with people just cause I dont have alot of colors and pictures. I have had a hard couple of months and well it continues to keep growing and my blog has become my escape. I love opening up blogger and reading what others did last night or what they watched on tv I feel like I connect everyone. I most of the time dont remember blog names but I remember you girls names. To me you are all different and very unique and I love it. I am ME!!! I am Nicole Griffin and I am proud of it. If you cant read my words and connect with me then your not going to connect with pictures I post either.

Sorry for seeming like a debbie downer but I hate the way I world is today and it bothers me on a day to day basic. I know I worry to much :(  Why does it have to be about pleasing everyone else?? or about partying and see who getsdrunk first??? Yes I do drink but I have grown out of the bar seen alot and enjoy just grilling out and drinking on the back porch or over a card game. Before hate mail starts I am not downing anybody who believes in getting drunk every night and going to bars all the time. I just dont understand why people cant quit pretending and just be yourself.

I have a family that I am always trying to please I watch what I say around them and what I do cause I dont want them mad at me. Is that right of me?? ummm NO!!!! I am me I shouldnt be having to please people or tiptoe around them. For years I have kept my opinion to myself cause I dont want anyone mad at me.Well guess what I got a text last night from a family member saying that she had left her hubby cause he had started drinking and she couldnt deal with it. It really strunk a nerve with me. Yes this man is a recovering alcoholic but this woman is not just perfect either. This man has stood by her through alot and loves her so much. Now that he is going through a hard time this woman is so quick to jump ship WHAT!!! Well the old me would never dare give my opinion but this girl did and well the family memeber is no longer speaking to me doesnt understand why I am not on her side. Ummm giving my opinion doesnt mean I do not support you but seemly means wake up. It is so sad cause this is how the world works today. You must always keep quiet cause poeple say they want the truth but in reality the only truth they want is what they believe in.

I want to be able to be me in my life. I am tired of living in shadows of the world. This is my blog and if nobody ever reads it that is ok with me cause I never started a blog foranybody else I started it for me. If you ask my opinion about something I will no longer be scared of making you mad cause you shouldnt have asked my opinion. I want to live lifewithout being scared of who I am going to make mad today. I want to be able to go outside and dig in my flowerbed and have dirt from head to toe if I want to. I want to run and look ridiculous doing in, I want to roll in the grass and so what if ants bite my legs, I want to go in walmart with no makeup on and in my pjs ( ok thats stretching it). I just want to be me all the time everyday. I dont care if the lady next to me doesnt like my hair style or if she hates the green fingernail polish on my nails. I have this haristyle and green fingernail polish because it makes me happy. You might not love me or the person down the road might not love me but I love me and God loves me. I just dont understand the world and why people judge so many people all the time. This past Saturday at the State vs. South Carolina game I got alot of bad looks cause of what I wore. Excuse me that I am not one of those tight dresses and high heel girls. I wish I could be a high heel girl but ummm God didnt make me like that I love my cowgirl boots I love feeling comfortable. So I wore a state jersey a blue jean skirt and my cow girl boots. I love football and I come to watch it I dont come looking like trailer trash but I dont wear heels. If this girl wore heels up there I would prob get arrested cause campus police would think I was drunk cause I would fall ever ten second. Anyway what is wrong with what I wear I mean yes I understand some people shouldnt live the house cause WOW I think they jut roll out of bed but I def wouldnt ever put myself in that category.

Sorry for all my ranting and raving just whew it drives me cray cray how people are today. I mean I am sorry I am not rich but I am happy. As I told a friend I went from being married having alot of money in the bank and driving a brand new eclipse to being divorced being overdraft at the bank and driving a 98 grand pri. If my ex hubby came to me begging to take me back well I would def have to restrain myself from kicking him in the balls. My point is being rich and having alot of money doesnt mean anything if you arent happy with yourself. Now I struggle to get by each month but I am so happy with the guy I am with he loves me and I love him and to us that is all that matters










Do you ever feel like this??? If so how do you deal with it??

Sorry for my MIA!!!!

Life seems unfair at times and if you have been reading my blog you have prob thought this girl has problems. I do not think I have problems but I think I am human. Some people only but the good on their blogs I started this blog to help document the struggles of life that I am going through. These last few months have been so tough in ever aspect of my life from trying to become healthier, over coming my past, embracing the future, being honest with myself, and just learning about who I am. Well the last two weeks I have been helping Jeremy move into his first home or as he says our first home. It is so exciting but acourse it caused me alot of fear to. I have never lived anywhere except Carthage. For 25 years I have lived here and now in the next month or 2, I will be packing up and moving to Kosciusko to start the next chapter in my life with Jeremy. I have always said I wanted to move away but now that it is here I am kinda nervous but excited. Make Sense??? We have been working so hard on getting the house like we want it and it is already starting to feel like home to me.

Always while I was away I realized life is going to happen no matter what and although God doesnt answer me right when I want him to it is ok cause he is still there with me. I have had a hard time here lately in my relationship with God. I just have felt like Why???? God what are you doing?!?!?! It has made me question alot. I know I am embarrassed for doing this but I know I am not the only one that has strayed away at times. God is good all the time it is just sometimes we refuse to see the good. We all as himans are very selfish human beings. I catch myself being well I this and I that. I have spent so long hurt cause I didnt have this and I dont have that. So what if my family isnt close and we dont spend holidays together. Yes it stinks but I have food to eat on those holidays and I have nice clothes. I wish i had more real friends I get on blogger and see everybody talking about all there friends and I feel like a loser cause I dont have alot. Oh well I need to be thankful for the few true friends I have and that i know are there for me. Jeremy and I wish we had a couple to go out with sometime but we dont right and oh well we should be greatful that we have single friends that like hanging out with our boring butts. We all as humans forget on a day to day basis just how lucky we truely are and all the good we have. Why do we always have to want and wish??? I sometimes feel like I want and wish for more than I am happy.

These last two weeks with the new house and alone time with Jeremy which we havent had the whole time we been dating has been the best. Ihave smiled and laughed and made memories. I have actually enjoyed life and not worried about the what if. For me this is a big accomplishment!!! I might wake up tomorrow worrying about life again but at least I can say the last two weeks has been worry free just me being myself and not caring what anybody else thought.

On a funny note this morning I look like rudolph the red nose reindeer. On Saturday, we headed to starkville to watch State play South Carolina. Well it was a lil hot and the sun was beaming down and unfortunatley my nose was the only place on my face that got blistered. I know people want to laugh at me when they see me cause I look in the mirror and laugh. I know its not christmas yet but I have been singing rudolph hahaha.

Sorry for no pictures from this weekend but I charged my camera battery friday night and well left it at home therfore had a camera that didnt work. Hope everyone has been doing good and hope your off to a wonderful Monday

Changing Bad Habits STINKO!!!!!!

Happy Tuesday my peeps!!! Hope october is treating you nice cause it isnt me I know quit whining Nicole. I havent been doing to good lately I been slacking on everything and being lazy :( I know I am the one to blame. I am not even going to tell you how I have been slacking. UGh but drinking a case of mt dew in like 3 days EEK!!!!!!!!!! no veggies AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! and fried foods galord YIKES!!!! I know I have relapsed. Its time to start fresh again I knew this wasnt going to be easy but dag nab it I will not fail and I will not give up. I think I need to start planning better cause when I dont plan it is so easy to just say well one mcdonalds hamburger want hurt then ugh I am so ashamed to even say it. It turns into a weeks worth of faast food. First step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and I am a food addict. I have falling off my routine and now I have got to get back in it cause I feel terrible again. Im always tired and no energy. So starting today I will beat this feeling and going to get back on the healthy wagon.